10 Weeks

I like this number 10 so far.  It’s nice and even, it’s technically 25% of the way done if you want to think about it that way!  It’s funny how when you look at things in months vs weeks, the feeling about it varies.  For example:  I’m 10 weeks.  I can have my ultrasound and find out the gender of ol’ CJ here at 20 weeks.  I’m ½ way there!!!  Or we look at it this way, I’m “only” 2.5 months along.  That doesn’t seem very far.  I don’t know, maybe you have to have been pregnant or be currently pregnant to understand.  Or maybe no one understands!!!

 

I feel this time around emotions have been running high and all over the place.  The tough part for me, and this even happened before becoming pregnant was that dealing with depression, I’ve found it difficult to determine what reactions are a result of the depression so to speak and what is a result of hormones.  I can tell you one thing; I’m very thankful that either way, my husband tries to understand and doesn’t get upset with me about it.  We’ve gotten to the point I think that he knows he doesn’t understand and I’ve explained the best I could.  I think he knows I don’t do malicious or destructive things intentionally.  Anyway, anyway, back to what I was talking about …. I think it’s just hard dealing with all of this.  On top of it all, I’m in a more stressful job now than what I was in 2.5 years ago and I now have a 2 year old (who LOVES the word, ‘NO’ and doing everything the opposite of what mommy asks…) to keep me busy *cough* insane *cough*.  This should be interesting and I just need to keep thinking positive thoughts.  I know my medication is there if I absolutely need it but I want to do whatever I can not to take it.  Random tangent there…

 

Now for the interesting stuff…

 
How far along? 10 Weeks
 

Sleep? Good.  I get up to pee once a night but no troubles falling back asleep.  I’m talented like that J 

Maternity Clothes?  Only at home where everyone knows.  I can button my regular jeans but they’re definitely snug and uncomfortable.  I’m not ready to change my entire wardrobe yet and announce to the whole world that what looks like a blob of fat (IS A BLOB OF FAT) but is covering an itsy bitsy baby bump.  Because when that happens, everyone will want to look at my baby bump but all they will see is my fat blob.  Awwww L

Stretch Marks? No new ones.

 Best Moment this week? Not being really really ridiculously tired (I’m always really really ridiculously good looking so get over it!)

Miss Anything? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, No. (Another movie reference for you.  If you get it without help, we should be best friends)

Movement? Don’t think so.  Those gas bubbles like to move though.

 Size of the Baby? A kumquat.  What the fuck is a kumquat? 

 Food Cravings? This last week it was pizza, wings, Indian food.  All cravings taken care of.  Check!

 Food Aversions? Not really.

Morning Sickness? No, random short-lived nausea.

 Gender? Unknown. But we will find out!

 Bed Rest? Nope

Limitations? Nope

 Labor Signs? Nope

Weight Gain? About 4-5 lbs.  Probably more than that…hopefully not L.  I’m depressed about this.  I’ve been feeling really picky about food and I’m not exercising to the level I need to be to counter the food I’ve been eating.  I’m nervous to go to the doctor and see the numbers.   I just need to watch what I’m eating….

Pregnancy Symptoms? Tired but not exhausted, feel a pressure in my uterine-area,, I don’t know….

 Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

 Mood? All over the place but overall good.

Looking Forward To?  Wild About Wine tomorrow night!  My zoo has a fund raising event where they have vendors donate wine and food.  I’ll have a few sips here and there but at this point I’m just going for the food! 

Also looking forward to my first "official' appointment next Tuesday.  They will be taking some blood and checking sh*t out!

 

9 Weeks!

Another week down.  I can definitely tell the initial shock of the whole thing has worn off.  Although, I think I’m still in a little disbelief that it’s actually happening.  I mean, we talked about when Crinks has a brother or sister and this and that but to think it’s going to be a reality in 8 months!   Crazy!  I’m still tired but don’t feel like I’ve been as tired as the last couple weeks.  I’ve been pretty good about taking naps though.  Wait, that would probably take care of it huh? Hahaha. 

I’ve been struggling a little lately with the slight weight gain I’ve already experienced.  I’m already overweight.  During my first pregnancy, I was told I should only gain between 0 and 11 pounds because I started off overweight.  On the one hand, I started about 25 lbs less than I was when I was pregnant with Crinks.  But I think having seen the number on the scale go down over the last two years and feeling that accomplishment, it is a little touch this time around knowing it’s all going to go up again. 

On the bright side, I’ve been going to some group fitness classes (Zumba, tabatas, etc).  Hopefully it’ll be enough to keep me in a healthy weight gain range.  Now I just need to work on the food part, not eating everything…

How far along? 9 Weeks

Sleep? Some nights I sleep well and through the night.  I think if I’ve been drinking close to bed I’m 99% more likely to have to get up in the middle of the night.  But I fall right back asleep.

Maternity Clothes? Nope.

Stretch Marks? No new ones.

Best Moment this week? Having Crink’s 2^nd birthday party and seeing all of our friends and family!

Miss Anything? No, life has been mostly normal.

Movement? Nope, not yet but I’m really looking forward to it.

Size of the Baby? A Grape. 

Food Cravings? Not anything in particular.  Comfort food, soup has been yummy.

Food Aversions? Nothing that didn’t already gross me out.

Morning Sickness? Very light nausea. Could pass for hunger. Maybe it is?

Gender? Unknown. But we will find out!

Bed Rest? Nope

Limitations? Nope

Labor Signs? Nope

Weight Gain? About 4-5 lbs L 

Pregnancy Symptoms? Light nausea, exhausted!

Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

Mood? All over the place but overall good.

Looking Forward To? Having absolutely nothing on the schedule….

8 Weeks

So I had my first appointment last Tuesday.  I normally see the midwives for my annual check-ups so that is who I saw for this.  It went really well!  She seemed impressed by my weight loss since having Crinkles and said that based on the fact that I didn’t have any other complications that I should be okay to stay with the midwives.  My next appointment is at 11 weeks.  I know they’re going to do a blood panel but am not sure about an ultrasound.  I’m not sure how that works with the midwives. 

 

That having been said, I’ve got another week down in the books.  I’ve had some recent fears pop up about being able to nurse down the road.  My breasts are sore and have sort of swollen but not a ton.  I try not to be upset about my reduction but I do wish I’d waited until after having kids.  If I knew then what I know now….

 

 

How far along? 8 Weeks

Sleep? It’s whatever.  I only sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and need to use the restroom.  Kind of weird.  Last time it was like clockwork.

Maternity Clothes? Nope.

Stretch Marks? No new ones.

Best Moment this week? I don’t know …. Taking naps almost every day?

Miss Anything? Medication and not constantly feeling tired.

Movement? Nope, not yet.  I have had these weird muscle spasms at the top of my abdomen so I’m not sure what’s up with that but it’s been the last couple days and it’s been really annoying.

Size of the Baby? Kidney Bean

Food Cravings? Not really….I’ll crave something and then once I get it, I don’t want it again.  My food desires have been weird….

Food Aversions? ‘Fast Food’

Morning Sickness? Very light nausea. Could pass for hunger. Maybe it is?

Gender? Unknown. But we will find out!

Bed Rest? Nope

Limitations? Nope

Labor Signs? Nope

Weight Gain? Very slowly creeping up.

Pregnancy Symptoms? Light nausea, taste and smell are affected, urinating more frequently, feeling a pressure/snugness down there.

Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

Mood? Whiney!

Looking Forward To? My baby boy (*cough* 2 year old’s) birthday party on Saturday!

 

7 Weeks

So I was on vacation last week and didn’t have an opportunity to update for 6 weeks.  Since there really isn’t a huge difference between 7 and 6, I’ll just make one. 

 

I did tell The Bage about CJ.  I waited a day and ended up taking the pregnancy test and putting it in a gift bag with tissue paper.  On top of the test I wrote on a little index card, “Hi Daddy! Love, CJ”

 

He stood there for about 30 seconds (which if you’ve ever done public speaking you know is a long time!) with his mouth open staring at me.  It was kind of comical.  He asked me something that I would find inappropriate to type on here but I answered in the affirmative to the fact that yes, I’m pregnant. 

 

He, like me, took a little while to get acclimated to the idea.  At first I thought he was kind of upset but I just reminded myself that I was a little shocked and I’m the one who it’s happening too (therefore have been experiencing weird things for a little while and at lease had an inkling).  Anyway, he’s a guy and while is a sensitive guy, like most guys, he’s not the most perceptive on all those little things.

 

Anyway, we’re really excited and can’t believe I’m 7 weeks today!  We told our parents almost 2 weeks ago.  We told my mom and step-dad first because we were on vacation in Lake Tahoe, CA last week and while I’m not a huge drinker anyway, we wanted them to have the heads up.  I casually dropped into a conversation at their house one nice that Gavin is going to be a big brother.

 

Other than our parents (and siblings), I’ve told my best friend Meg and my good friend Ashley.  It’s nice to have some friends know so you can talk about it to someone.

 

The cool thing about Meg is that she’s only 5 weeks ahead of me!

 

 

How far along? 7 Weeks!

 

Sleep? Not the greatest but I can’t tell if it’s due to the time change, the mattress, etc…

 

Maternity Clothes? Nope.

 

Stretch Marks? No new ones.

 

Best Moment this week? Telling my best friend that we’re going to have babies about a month apart!

 

Miss Anything? My medication.  Seriously…. All things considered, I’m doing well without but there are things this time around that I didn’t have to deal with last time.

 

Movement? Nope, not yet.

Size of the Baby? Blueberry

Food Cravings? Not really…. Just overall healthy foods

 

Food Aversions? ‘Fast Food’

 

Morning Sickness? Very light nausea. Could pass for hunger. Maybe it is?

 

Gender? Unknown. But we will find out!

 

Bed Rest? Nope

 

Limitations? Nope

 

Labor Signs? Nope

 

Weight Gain? Goes up and down but balances out.

 

Pregnancy Symptoms? Light nausea, taste and smell are affected, and my dog was smelling my boobs.

Belly Button In or Out? In

 

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

 

Mood? Whiney!

 

Looking Forward To? My first appointment today.

 

5 Weeks!

I just found out I'm pregnant and have only told my one friend at work.  I had to tell someone!  I'm trying to come up with a fun way to tell The Bage.  It’s exciting, but in a different way from the first and I want to come up with something fun.  Plus, he only just 2 days ago said, “I’m ready for the next kid.”  And I’m 5 weeks now… you do the math ;) .  Trust me, there was no mal-intent or trickery here.  We talked about this a month ago and he was cool with it.  He has told me in the past, “Don’t tell me when you get off the pill.”  He doesn’t like feeling that pressure to perform.  I get it.  Anyway, I got off the pill a little over a month ago and didn’t want to get back on just to get off it again.  Well, it happened and I got pregnant!  At first I was shocked.  Like, I threw the pregnancy test away and was having a hard time convincing myself that that little plus sign was actually there.  I ended up running out and getting another test and it was positive too!  Anyway, I’m in a smidge of shock.  I did just call and make my first doctor’s appointment!  It’s just crazy to think that I’m going to be going through this all again J

How far along? 5 Weeks!  Just found out I am pregnant with Crinkles Junior on 7/9/13

Sleep? I’ve been tossing and turning a little the last couple days but I really don’t think that it’s pregnancy-related just yet.

Maternity Clothes? I don’t NEED them but I do have some that I wear because they’re cute!

 

Stretch Marks? Yes, there were there from my last darling child.  Not far enough along to have new ones.

Best Moment this week? Finding out the little surprise that I’m pregnant!!

Miss Anything? The thought of not getting to have this delicious beer and tequila I recently got.

Movement? Nope, not yet.

Size of the Baby? Appleseed

Food Cravings? Not really…. Just overall healthy food3

Food Aversions? ‘Fast Food’

Morning Sickness? Very light nausea.  Could pass for hunger.  Maybe it is?

 

Gender? Unknown.

 

Bed Rest? Nope

Limitations? Nope

Labor Signs? Nope

 

Weight Gain? I’m actually down a couple pounds.

Pregnancy Symptoms? Light nausea, taste and smell are affected, and my dog was smelling my boobs.

Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

Mood? A little disbelief

Looking Forward To? Telling my husband I’m pregnant!

 

Fuck this shit...

AAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!  I’m screaming here because I can’t scream out loud.  I’m at work and this sucks.  I fucking at this place!  There are the stupidest fucking rules and even though they tell you your opinion and voice matter, they don’t!  Not sure why I’m surprised.  So now.  Now, I’m sitting here keeping everything in.  I don’t know what to say or who to say it too for fear of further retribution.  I was ‘yelled’ at the other day for something that happened two weeks ago.  Admittedly, I was frustrated and I’m sure that showed on my face.  I still don’t know what I did ‘wrong’ other than not keep the meeting in a certain direction.  This is why I never want to be a manager.  I hate this place so much and just want to leave right now.  I just want to run away.  The only time I want to run is to run away.  And the shitty thing is, the times I want to run away, I can’t go anywhere.  I have to sit here and be quiet.

I hate days like this…

It's Been a While....

Since I posted anyway.  I was stressed.  Putting it simply.  Putting it more complexly (if that is even a word...) my work load blew up, my company is working towards a completely different style of work flow changing everything from they way are desks are set up to our assign agencies.  I took a CPCU exam two Friday's ago.  And for those of you who've taken them, you can understand.  All the while, I'm trying to take care of my 19 month old and keep my sanity.

I was so absolutely stressed out that I was breaking out in hives for about a week!  I would start to get really itchy.  If I could hold off scratching too much, it was just painful for a little bit.  But sometimes I couldn’t and I would just go to town.  The result was a ton of painful hives that took a little while to go away.  The worst was one day as I was getting out of the shower, the insides of my thighs were kind of itchy.  I scratched both sides a little bit and after I’d dried off, I put some comfy PJ pants on.  Well, I think the loose fabric brushing against my thighs didn’t help because all of a sudden I was scratching like crazy.  The result?  A conglomerate of hives…that looked like One. Giant. hive.  I sat in a chair with my pants down and ice on them to help keep me from scratching.  I thought it was stress but had never had that before.  I hadn’t changed any detergents, cleaning solutions, used new body products, etc so I really didn’t think it could be an allergy like that.  It would also happen in random places.  Sometimes it was my hands, one time it was my shoulder, once my foot, so yeah, it was just weird.  It was during that week that I made the decision to prep my resume and get ready to leave.  I’d like to find another job now but I’m really thinking about going back to school and without describing step by step at this point, waiting it out here another year would be the best situation.  If I can make it.  If it’s affecting my health physically and mentally that badly, I should not stay but it might be getting better, we’ll see.

In the meantime, another update on my depression progress.  I’m doing FABULOUS!  I feel stronger mentally than I have in a long time.  I feel like I can get frustrated but not feel like I want to hurt something (or myself).  When I was going through those extremely stressful weeks mentioned above, I didn’t feel like killing myself.  And that is saying something.  I cried and am getting a little emotional at the thought that I didn’t feel that way.  The first time in a long long long time.  It just feels so good to not feel so hopeless and helpless.  I don’t know if it’s just the goLITE therapy light but something has changed and it is the best feeling in the world. 

In other news, last night we were all in my room and Crinkles was running around like a mad Crinks.  I’d started leaving the room to go downstairs and I heard a thud.  The Bage was in there with him and I heard him crying pretty hard.  I went back into the room and The Bage was holding Crinkles consoling him when we both noticed the blood pooling in his mouth.  I ran and got some gauze.  In his fall, his tooth went through his lip!  His tooth is fine from what we can tell but his poor lip.  The bleeding stopped fairly quickly, we got some ice on it, and called the doctor.  He stopped crying and it didn’t look awful so we wanted the doctor’s opinion before rushing him to the hospital for the potentially more traumatizing procedure of stitches.  The doctor said as long as it wasn’t a gaping hole he should be fine, just to keep an eye out for infection.

Another random note, Saturday was gorgeous!  I was outside in pants and short sleeves or a light jacket the whole time.  Gavin and I also went on our first bike ride of the year.  Can’t wait to get in more!  Then Sunday (and today, Monday) it has snowed and has been freezing cold.  Lame.

Okay well I do have to work  but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Pace,
Megan