What Up?

Yeah, I'm that ghetto.

BWHAHAHAH  .... I'm so far from ghetto it's not even funny.  Although I do like a good rap song.  Probably about a year ago I was driving home from work and the sun was out, my windows were down, I was in my Mini Cooper, and ready to paaarrrr-taaaay.  So I decided a little T.I. was in order.  Yeah, so I get stuck at a light and literally the beginning scene from Office Space happened.  There was a black girl just up in the other lane from me and when I pulled up, she turned around and stared at me.  I imediantly  turned my music down and was just looking casually around.  I felt SO awkward!!  But why?  I'm allowed to listen to rap too.  So why, just because I'm white can't I have my music cranked up and whatnot?

I guess it's the same reason that if I saw a black girl with 1,000 Miles by Vanessa Carlton blaring I'd probably give her a look that said, "Really?".  Have you guys seen White Chicks, it's actually pretty funny.  But yeah, stereotypes, they're dumb.

I wonder if years and years down the road there will even be 'races' anymore.  I mean, with people moving over different countries and interracial relationships becoming less and less taboo I think eventually there will only be one race, literally.  And everyone could said that they have Canadian, Irish, German, American, etc, etc, etc heritage.  It would definitely never happen in our lifetime.  Probably not in my great great great great grandchildrens' lifetime.  But I do think it will happen.

It's hard to think of life after you die.  Crazy stuff.  I guess it's like thinking about life before you were born.  Yes, the lessons you learn in history and the stories your parents tell you were before then but that's just it, they're stories.  Some are even so ludicrous that they seem made up (hello WWII).  Like seriously, some guy though that he was ruler of all and that only his specifications were legit with regards to people....that seriously sounds like something written in a story, a tall tale.

Anyway, wow, as usual I've veered off course.  Well there is something for you to think about, stereotypes. I don't ever think they'll go away though.

So on a fun note, I'm tres excited to be going to my zoo's Wild About Wine wine tasting event tomorrow!  The Bage and I are going so it'll be a fun little date night for us.  They have 3 wine events total and a beer event (they have a martini one but I'm not so big on liquor myself).  I bought tickets for all 4 since you basically got a buy 3 in advanced get 1 free but also because it's a major event and it tends to sell out at least a month before each thing.  I'm just excited to have something different to do and check out.  HOPEFULLY I'll remember my camera and we'll take some pictures.  I'm HORRIBLE about taking pictures!  Speaking of, I need to put up the one picture I took from the Cinqo de Mayo festival last weekend.  It's quality..you'll love it!!

Okay, I'm out for now...

Pace,
Megan

This, That, and the Other Thing

I feel like it's been forever since I've written.  I guess I'm so used to writing several times a week that if I go a couple days and don't do it it seems like a long time.

Nothing new here.  I had a great weekend with my family.  We did a lot but not one major thing.  We cleaned the house, had an appraiser come over, went to the park, went to a Cinco de Mayo celebration downtown (pretty disappointing), and yeah, nothing crazy.

Today is Crinks' first day at daycare and I get to stalk watch him on the webcam!!  It's so hard not to just stare at it all day.  I love that I get to see him throughout the day.  And it looks like he's definitely getting some play time.  I'll be so glad to go pick him up though.  I can't wait to see his smile when I go to get him!

Oh!  So get this ... I hanging out with my family yesterday and my sister comes over and takes my hair out of my pony holder and it messing with me hair.  And she says, "Oh my god you have a gray hair!"  My natural response is, "WHAT?!?"  And then she says, "There is actually like 4 or 5."  OMG.  This is what I will look like in the next couple months... I'm convinced!!

   I'm terrified of getting old.  I think when I turn 30 I'll have a little melt-down.  *Mehhh*

  

   Pace,

   Megan

I Made it to the Top...

And I'm heading back down.  The roller coaster of depression that it.  I've been feeling really good for the last month or so (a record as of late!) but I suppose some good things must come to an end.

I was feeling down yesterday but I attributed that to the fact that we officially signed our son up for daycare and that it was Crinks' last day with Sandy.  I'm still feeling it today.

I don't know if it's just the aftermath but I don't think so.  Having been dealing with this pretty much my whole life I've gotten pretty good at determining these things.  I just feel heavy, dense (no people not in the brain!!).  I just want to go home and lay there and do nothing.  I don't really want to eat either.  It just sucks.  The physical act of typing this is tough too.  The energy I need to put into holding my wrists and hands up to type is going to consume all the calories I've eaten today.

And they thing is, there really isn't much I can do except wait for it to pass.  I'm nervous because my mother-in-law is staying at our house from Tuesday night (yesterday) until Friday afternoon.  It's hard because I'm SO SO grateful for her going out of her way to do this but I am just so self conscious.  I don't want her to think I'm mad at her because I will sit there in silence with no expression on my face.  I just want to be alone.

I can never say that though.  Especially around The Bage.  I don't ever want him to think that I don't want him there.  Because 9 times out of 10, I NEED him there with me.  I'm hoping this blows over soon.

I know nobody reads this blog (I mean, who wants to read about the ramblings of a depressed woman?) but if you do and you suffer from depression like this, does anything help you?

I'm taking tomorrow off.  I'm taking Crinks to his 9 month doctor's appointment, getting a manicure, haircut, and stopping by the daycare to drop off paper work and show them how to use the disposable diapers.  It'll be a good day.

I really feel like I need to start writing more about Crinks and what he's doing.  I know I'll just forget everything when he is older.

Pace,
Megan

Crying Sucks

I think I've cried more in the last two to three months than I have in the past say 10 years (if not more!).  The Bage and I visited the daycare center last night and decided (at least in the short term) that was the best decision for now.  They have availability starting Monday which works perfectly since we don't know what Sandy's schedule will be after she meets with the oncology surgeon.  So that makes today the last day Crinks will go to Sandy in a while.

There are so many good things about this daycare and it comforts me that a good friend works there.  But I know it's sad for Sandy and I know Crinks is going to miss her so much.  I'm so afraid on how he is going to transition.  Instead of all the one-on-one he'll be one of 12 kids.  Instead of the dark and quiet room he gets for naps, the lights will be fully on with kids playing in the back ground that don't take naps at that time.

On the positive, the stress of the unknown will be removed, Crinks can get on a schedule elsewhere, and we get webcam access to watch him during the day.  This is so different for us that it's just taking time to adjust.

I just feel tired and drained.  I know when you're exposed to something for a long time you get desensitized. I haven't been around death and bad sickness all that much but I seriously can't handle it.  I really don't think I'll ever be able to handle it.

Sorry this is another sad post.

On the bright side, I think the tile under the linoleum that the previous owners put down is okay, just dirty but okay.  When I lifted up a section the other day is smelled sort of musty and mildewy so I'm hoping a good scrubbing will take care of that.  I do plan on re-grouting too if the tiles are still okay.  I really need to work on my picture taking I just never think to do it.  Maybe because I'm such a fat-ass I don't want to be in pictures... if my husband saw I wrote that he'd yell at me.  He's a crazy man and doesn't think I'm fat.  Silly silly :)  but it's one of the bazillion reasons I love him!!

Pace,
Megan