Weight

My weight loss journey has DEFINITELY plateaued.  This last month with Thanksgiving, family over, I have agents that sent us stuff, etc.  But that really shouldn't be an excuse.  I need to exert more will power over the temptation of these delicious foods.  The thing is, I LOVE good healthy food.  Banana and apples with some cool whip on them is pretty darn good.  But what about those times that I NEED, not just really want, but NEED ice cream?  And trust me, a popcicle doesn't help.  A couple little bites doesn't happen, and so on and so forth. 

I know I just need to stop eating that stuff.  I mean, if I was diagnosed with diabetes then I wouldn't be eating it.  So why eat it now and continually increase my chances of being diagnosed?!  Both my dad and my dad's dad were diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.  That, inconjunction with my weight and the fact that I'm a sucker for sweets (mostly ice cream) just skyrockets my chances of getting it. 

Here is what needs to happen.  I need to give up ice cream.  I have to.  I'm going to start with a goal of NO ice cream (or any form similar (sorbet, ice cream sandwiches, etc) for the remainder of the month.  I know that doesn't seem like much but if you knew me, you'd understand.

So there we go.  No ice cream for the rest of the month.  I also need to be better about logging my food and using my fitbit.  The fitbit really does help to motivate me to walk more steps. 

I'm curious to try out their fancy-schmancy scale too but it's kind of pricey for me right now.  Maybe down the road...

By the way here are my current stats:

Starting weight: (after Gavin was born and water weight lost): 277lbs!

Current weight: 245lbs

Goal weight: 230lbs (before I can get pregnant again!)

Ultimate goal weight: 170lbs
Total weightloss so far: 32 lbs!!

Pace,
Meggie Sue

Happy Holidays....

::singing:: Toooooo Yoouuuuu!

I'm so pumped for the holidays.  I'm even more pumped that I'm not doing Christmas presents for anyone except for my little man and a small thing for my husband.  All parents argreed not to do presents this year and it is wonderful!  Seriously, it's so much less stress, less money coming out, and I feel like I've really been enjoying the overall festiveness in the air!

One of the sweetest things so far was this:

We put up our Christmas Tree on a Friday night after Crinkles had gone to bed.  We figured it would be easier than trying to keep a 16 month old from pulling ever ornament and box down.  The next morning, The Bage went downstairs and turned the Christmas tree on but no other lights.  When I brought Crinks downstairs, he stopped in his tracks...he could only see the top of the tree over our half wall.  He stared at it for a moment, then slowly started shuffling his feet towards the tree. 

He then proceeded to touch as many of the lights as possible saying, "Baieet.  Baieet."  which (OF COURSE) means "light".  He loves to look at it and has done surprisingly well with not tearing everything off the tree.  We made a conscious effor to keep all "Crinkle-safe" ornaments on the bottom.

I cannot wait until Christmas morning when he opens presents.  I need a new video camer but may have to settle for my regular camera this year. 

Back on the note of no presents, it really does make me realized how commercialized Christmas is.  It's actually really sad where it's gotten, even since I was little.  Don't get me wrong, I love(d) opening presents and I honestly love the feeling when you find some thing for some one and think, they will LOVE this!  But when you go to the stores, without lists and the feeling that you absolutely HAVE to buy something for someone today, you are able to think more clearly.  You realize how every item out there is something cheap, not personal, or uber expensive.  And all because the companies know you'll buy it because you *have* to and can't think of anything else on short notice. 

I'm not a very religious person either.  I was raised Lutheran but don't go to church any longer and honestly don't believe in God (I can discuss that another day).  Anyway, I understand the origin of Christmas from the Christianity perspective as well as it's roots set in other cultures.  I may not celebrate it as "Jesus' birth" but I do think it's a time to spend with family, be thankful for what we do have, and enjoy life.  It should not be people trampling others on "Black Friday" over an item on sale by $5. 

I just hope that one day, some of the madness will die down and people can refocus on what is important in life.  Continue to buy presents for others if that is what your family does but take a step back and really think about what you're getting them and why.  I think one present picked from the heart and your relationship is worth way more than 5 presents that include some generic gloves, scarves, MP3 player earphones, etc. 

I'll step off my soap box now, I just wanted to get that out.

With that, I wish you Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, etc....

Pace,
Meggie Sue

I Never Thought I'd Get Here Again...

Baby talk!  Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted 2 kids, no more, no less.  But over the last 15 months with Crinkles I can't count on my own hands and feet the number of times I've thought, this isn't happening again.  This whole living your existence with screaming, crying, pooping, sleeping...yes, yes, the baby NOT ME (well......) is just not my cup o' tea.  I love love love the stage he's at now!  He's so curious and interactive.  I love that he understands (most) of what i'm saying.  He likes to help us feed the doggies ("Haiii doe doe") and dry the dishes and mop. 

But the other day, I was stolling along being all me, and then the thought hit me.  Like, a light switch literally flipped because there were no shades of gray in this at all.  Light bulb over my head....I'm ready for Crinkles Junior.  And before anyone says anything, yes, you can have a "Junior" off a "Senior" if that "Senior" happens to be their sibling.  I mean, that's who you're naming them after right?  Well, that's how it's going down in my world.

Anyway, so Crinkles Junior, or CJ for short... I'm just ready.  It just stinks we have to keep an eye on our finances.  Boooo money.  We both have great salaries and are frugal on top of that.  But we just bought a new house in August which saw our mortgage go up $500!  We also borrowed some money from my parents which we have to payback.  I want to have them paid back within 3 years but that's almost $5,000 a year.  so yeah, with those things on top of our other loans, it would just be best to be patient and hold off.  The last thing I ever want to do again is live paycheck to paycheck.  Not. Fun.

But i'm excited.  Especially after hanging out with a 4 month old and 10 month old this last weekend.  I had so much fun.  I just can't think of the horrible sleeplessness and stress.  I tell myself it'll be a little better now that I have a better idea what to expect.  But as I hear from everyone, no two babies are the same.  We'll see I guess. 

I need to do one thing at a time.  I need to focus on getting the house in shape, getting my butt in shape, and figure out what is going on with my job.

Speaking of my butt, I'm down about 20 lbs!  I was doing really well and then this last weekend blew up in my face.  Add that to the fact that Thanksgiving is coming up.  I wish I had someone doing this with me.  It's a lot more motivating when you're accountable to someone other than yourself.  It doesn't help that The Bage is not eating well AT ALL lately.  He's driving me crazy!

We got two large bags of candy from Sam's for Halloween this year.  We were told from neighbors that so many kids come along.  Well this year, the weather was aweful... it was cold and spitting rain here and there.  We barely had any kids.  So at first we were going to try and return the candy.  But then we couldn't find the receipt.  So I'm thinking cool, it'll be nice to have some candy around to have a treat here and there.  Well not only has The Bage eaten at least 3 pieces of candy a day but he usually eats more.  He finished a whole bage of nerds in 2 or 3 days.  It just makes me nervous.  It's like, ever since he got back from the hospital he just eats like crap and comes up with excuses on why he can't go work out. 

I don't want to push him, or nag on him, especially with how great he's been with me.  Since we've been together I've gained over 50lbs.  Part of that was an after effect of a surgery I had but I know I haven't always eaten the greatest.  But it just makes me nervous, like he thinks, "Oh, I lost all this weight when I was in the hospital so I can gain it back."  I don't know.  I think he's a little depressed right now.  He doesn't have any guy friends near by to hang out with.  I've been more social lately with going out and have been leaving him on his out more often.  Not that he can't handle himself without me by any means but I know that can be lonely. 

I just wish there was something I could do.  I've asked him several times if he's happy.  He says 'yes' but I know him.  I'm really trying to encourage him to go visit is friend down in Lexington, KY.  He's really not that far away but I think he's just being lazy and doesn't want to make the trip.

I feel like I've finally figured myself out.  I've gotten over the fact that I'm an adult now and I have more responsibility than I did before.  I think he's still struggling with that.  I didn't realize for the longest time that's a big part of what was bothering me.  It took me months after my theapy sessions ended for me to come to that realization.  I found myself being upset about the things I *had* to do.  And that all I wanted to do was play video and computer games like I *used* to.  Those were the keys, my life isn't filled up with all these empty hours now where I can do whatever I want whenever.  I have a baby now that I need to take care of, and educate, and play with.  I know that sounds like such a basic idea but it was such a big dramatic change that it took a long time for me to get over and get used to. 

Since realizing that, I've been able to make what we do together fun.  If it's nice outside, we go to the park right after I pick him up.  Or we go outside to play.  There are days we just go home when I have to get something done.  It's just the way life is.  I feel so good about my life now.  A little over a year ago I wouldn't have said that, even two years ago.  I've been struggling with this depression for so long that I'd get lost in my thoughts.  I'd start my medication only to stop it when I would start feeling good but then I'd go right back down again.  I do eventually want to try and get off of it but I don't think I'll ever really be able to. 

I'm such a different, happy person on it.  I can tell an immediant difference if I miss my pill for a day or two.  I'm not an advocate of taking drugs or pills because they're the easy solution.  Trust me, I've tried meditation, progressive relaxation, all sorts of stuff.  But it never worked and I would have these explosions, melt downs, if I were a bomb my meltdowns would probably take out the earth.  But with the medicine.  I feel like I can think clearly.  I can recognize myself amongst whatever stress or thoughts I have an get myself to calm down an react is a mostly rational manner. 

Not everyone needs medication but for those who do, it really is life changing. 

As usual, I've gotten off on a random tanget and at this point need to get going, that whole work thing really gets in the way sometimes :)

Pace,
Meggie Sue

The Little Things

And not in a good way, like "Oh, we all need to appreciate the little things in life.".  Don't get me wrong, we certainly do!  But do you know what really grinds my gears (if you're a fan of Family Guy you'll get the reference)?  When bloggers are all, "I'm going to tell it like it is and I'm not going to hold anything back because this is my blog blahbitty, blah, blah, blah.".  Well that's all fine and dandy, you should be honest on your own space.  But what's irritating is when someone makes a post about something that could be somewhat controversial (we're not talking gay marriage or abortion here or anything).  Then, surprise surprise, they start getting comments.  Then they act all surprised and then post about how they don't want to offend anyone but that if people don't like it then they just don't have to read. 

Okay, you posted it knowing that you would get comments like that and yet, you take this stance on being all honest but then feel the need to turn around and apologize for whatever you say?  How about you just ignore it.  You don't like a hurtful comment, delete it a move on!  That's what you're all about right? 

I need to stop going to this one blog where it's like that, the writer will post something, then gets all b*tchy (<-- I bet you couldn't tell what that word was ;p) and full of attitude and turns around and does it again.  This is the same person that brags about how she is all not about drama. ...rrrrriiiigght. 

Anyway, off my soap box now.  In joyful news, I'm happy!  Hahaha, that was totally random, which most of my thoughts are anyway.

Pace,
Megan

There's Nothin' Happening...

Here.

Don't you just love the creative and energetic post titles I come up with?  I thought so. 

So yeah, nothing special going on right now.  My stepdad came over last Saturday and helped hang our Ikea entertainment shelves.  It's starting to look like a living room!  Now if only I could get matching furniture :p 

It's just so hard to justify right now when what we have works fine and the people that would see it wouldn't care (or shouldn't) so why spend a couple thousand on some furniture just so it matched?  Maybe down the road.  We're working on becoming debt free!!  Seriously, it's still a couple years away but in the grand scheme of things, that's nothing.  And when I say "debt free" I mean, the only thing we will be owing money to will be our house.  But I really don't count a mortgage because that much money doesn't really exist! hahahah

But seriously, I know that is so far off that I just can't even thing of that amount.  Anyway, we're doing everything we can to throw extra money towards the two loans we do have left.  We're under $20,000 now!  It's exciting stuff. 

The thing is, I'm kind of getting that itch again.  The itch to have a baby!!!!  It was like a light switch.  I mean, several days ago I was like, eh that's not happening any time soon!  Then the other day I was just like this needs to happen!  But alas, it won't be happening for some time now.  I don't think we're going to start trying until next year, about a year from now.  And no, life isn't all about money but given that we just moved, I think it would be wisest to get what we can in order to see what we're working with.

And whereas I like the idea of staying at home for a little bit, I just can't see that happening.  I like working, and earning money.  Based on my salary it makes no sense for me not to work.  Even with two kids in daycare.  Oh well.  Maybe once they're out of day care and in school it would be an option.  But as previously mentioned, I can't ever see that happening.

I do like the idea of being able to stay home, work on food and clean the house.  It's not so much that I want the "barefoot in the kitchen" thing going on but rather, I enjoy that stuff.  I just don't enjoy it after I've worked an 8 hour day and have been in my car commuting for another hour on top of that.  Everything is just so rushed. 

We've made steps on cleaning stuff up as we go so it's not like this huge mess at any one time but it still has to be done.

Okay, I need to pee.  I've been drinking a ton of water today!

Pace,
Meggie Sue

Ya Know....I'm here

So I’m kind of grump-a-licious today.  I’m just not feeling the whole, “work” thing.  My agents are asking me stupid questions too which works a nerve.  I feel like the day should be over but I still have 1.5 hours left.  Mehhh, that was me whining.  Okay, enough of that.

So we bought a house a couple months ago.  Did I mention that?  I know I said we were going to sell our house but then life got crazy, literally, and I didn’t have time for anything, not even myself.  The Bage got sick, he was diagnosed with Gillain-Berre Syndrom.  Long story short, he had to go to the hospital, he lost feeling in his legs, groin, hands and arms, and partial face paralysis.  It scared me.  On the bright side, we think it was diagnosed and treated before it got awful so he recovered relatively quickly.  He was in the hospital for a week getting treatments and such, then he went to inpatient physical therapy.  He lost like 20 pounds in 2 weeks!  But now he’s 100%! 

I honestly don’t even know what was going on in my mind at the time.  I seriously didn’t have a second to think of myself.  The first week Paul was in the hospital, I took off work.  I was with him for the majority of the time unless I had to get Crinks.  That next week I did go back to work.  If anything, work was the brake I needed.

My husband’s mother stayed with us for a month.  It was very bittersweet.  I guess more like rottenmeatsweet.  At first it was nice, I had someone to help watch Crinks when he wasn’t at daycare.  But omg, the lady doesn’t shut up.  Seriously.  Not only did I never have the house to myself, but I had to share it with my in-laws without my husband as a buffer.  I tried really hard to be nice and smiley but it really wore off near the end.  I think she just can’t stand silence.  I’d be sitting there on the computer or trying to read or trying to read on the computer and she’s all blah blah blah.  Whatever. 

Anyway, so we got a new house and sold our old one.  Our old house sold within 5 weeks of being on the market.  We really just broke even on all of it.  Even though we took a bit of a loss … in the long run I really think it’s for the best.  We found a house we really like in a location we LOVE.  So yeah, the mortgage went up by 50% but we’ll make it work.  We still have about $1,000 of savings a month (technically…if I don’t spend it at Target :) ).  It was built in 1982, so a little older.  On the one hand, I would have loved to build something.  But to build something in the area that we wanted, the houses started at $300,000 and even though we could probably afford it, I really don’t want or need to be in a house that big.  I’m all about living comfortably but not taking more than you need. 

We keep our other expenses down really low to.  I’m constantly looking for ways to ‘trim the fat’.  Not only on myself but in our bills as well.  We don’t have iPhones, which means we don’t spend the $1,000 minimum per year it would cost to own one, we don’t have cable, and we use coupons for a lot of stuff.  Though, I recently read a blog where the writer and her family have what’s called a ‘No-spend’ month.  The Bage and I wanted to try this.  With the medical bills coming in (and sadly being paid) and Christmas coming up, we need to break the habit of the little spending we *cough* I *cough* *cough* do on a weekly and daily basis.  Here are a couple things we’re focusing on:

1)      Make ONE trip to the store a week. 

2)      List errands and run them all at one time

3)      Rawwwwrrr

4)      Don’t spend money

I really think number 4 is going to be the hardest but I really think we can make it. 

 

AHHHHH, this post is a true reflection of me today.  I seriously can’t keep a thought straight in my head for more than one thought.

Alright, that’s it for me.

Pace,

Meggie Sue

 

P.S. I’ve lost weight since the last time. 

30 Before 30 Update

 

***Progress Post...***

So I've seen this here and there but I really like the idea of picking 30 things I want to accomplish before I'm 30.  I think everything on here is very attainable.  It's a lot of stuff that I never have the 'time' for.  You know, all that time I spend sitting around on my ass is clearly already booked.



So here it is in no particular order:

1) Have 2nd and last baby.  I mean come on, who wouldn't want another baby as precious as he is?  ** We thought we might have been on our way to this one, due next June but luckily (I'll explain later why I was 'glad' about it) it was just my body being jacked up and forgetful. 

2) Go to Paris 

3) Cook at least 3 meals a week (I don’t like to cook so much so this is ambitious)
4) Be debt free (aside from my mortgage)
5) Have a getaway for every wedding anniversary just The Bage and I **We leave for Florida this Saturday!  But I can't even begin to fathom how much I'm going to miss my little man!!
6) Finish Wedding/Honeymoon Scrap Book **Just picked this up again yesterday
7) FINISH WEDDING ALBUM!  (I got married 10/15/10 !!)  **I've selected pictures, now I just need to send the final draft back
8) Finish a baby scrapbook (small)
9) Make DIY Roman blinds - random but something I want to do!


10) Watch every Oscar nominated movie for any given year
11) Lose 100 lbs.  **I'm currently down 25lbs, 75lbs to go!
12) Buy my own kayak (or single shell) and learn to flip over
13) Donate hair to locks of love  **It's growing!  I haven't had a major hair cut for about 1.5 years now!
14) See a Coldplay concert in another city
15) Throw a surprise party for Kelly
16) Take a beginning sewing class
17) Earn my CPCU designation ** 5 more exams, Goal = 2016 = Hawaii trip!!
18) Volunteer at an animal shelter
19) Learn to let go and forgive  **I'm working on this, I've been more at peace with things lately which I consider a step in the right direction
20) Meditate at least 5 days a week for 5 minutes

21) Go one weekend without doing anything productive (I will regret that later :) )
22) Start a garden
23) Throw a party  **I've had a Pinterest Party ...does that count? :)
24) Break habit of biting cuticles

25) Travel to and stay in a state I’ve never been before
26) Organize photos and photo albums
27) Sell The Bage’s baseball cards
28) Go to Harry Potter World! 

29) Get iPhone
30) Love my family, Love myself, Love life

That last one seems like such a no brainier but sometimes, it's really hard for me (especially loving myself and life).  At risk of sounding cheesy here, there is so much to live for that you really do need to appreciate everything life has to offer.

So that's it....maybe I'll write more later, about nothing in particular.  Aren't you excited!?  hahah


Pace,
Megan

The Green-Eyed ...

Smoothie!!

So I thought I'd try a little experiment with the growing in popularity, green smoothie.  Let's just say, the results were delicious, but didn't look the best.  In my quest to make my first Green Smoothie a winning smoothie, I did what any diligent, dedicated cook would do.  I went to Pinterest!

Here's a little sample of what I found when I searched, "green smoothie"...

Mmmmmm.....

And who wouldn't want a taste of this green emerald liquid.

Alas, I couldn't find a recipe that I thought sounded good so I did what I do with most of my smoothies...I improvised!  Here is what my smoothie consisted of....

*Lemon Yogurt (leftovers from my 14 month old's dinner)

*Frozen raspberries

*Frozen strawberries, mangoes, peaches, and pineapple (from the Sam's bag I've had in my freezer for no joke, 3 years)

*Organic Vitamin D milk (I didn't really have any other liquids)

*A little bit of strawberry sorbet (because it was there)

and the piece de resistance....  SPINACH (fresh, because the frozen stuff totally grosses me out).

Again the end result was delicious, but it looked a little like this...

So it's a little brown, with green flecks....who is even looking?

Anyway, if you're like me and need to eat more veggies, I highly highly highly recommend this, you taste the spinach but not much.  It may not be pretty but it's pretty good for you.  Aaannnddd that was lame :)

Pace,

Megan

Keurig!

So, this happened about 6 months ago but I really want to give a shout out to the customer service at Keurig.

So we've had our Keurig since December of 2009 and LOVE it.  We used it pretty frequently and really tried to take care of it with regular cleanings and using filtered water.  On occasion we'd have an issue with it not brewing the full amount but it would eventually correct itself.

Keurig Special Edition...isn't it pretty? :)

Well, in December of 2011 our Keurig Special Edition finally bit the dust and was brewing about 2 ounces less every time.  We didn't want our coffee to go to waste so we'd add more which would result sometimes in an over-brewing or coffee that was more weak than we wanted.  So I called Keurig's customer service.

First of all, it was on a Saturday morning so I was nervous that I'd just get a recorded message saying that they were only open Monday through Friday from 9am to 5pm.  No, I easily got through to a representative who was really nice.  I explained the issue I was having.  She'd asked me a bunch of troubleshooting questions and had me a try a couple different things.  When all of that didn't work, she looked at her records to see if my warranty was still valid.  It wasn't.  It was over a year expired.  And do you know what she did??

She extended my warranty for FREE!!! AND sent us a BRAND NEW KEURIG SPECIAL EDITION!

Seriously, I couldn't believe that.  I thought I'd have to mail it in and have they work to fix it.  So now we have a nice new Keurig that every time I look at it I think of what a great experience that all was.

I think there is so much negativity in this world that I think people need to hear the good too!

Pace,
Megan

Wow, so it’s been over a month since I’ve written last.  I feel like I’ve been running around like crazy both mentally and physically.  Because SO much has gone on in the past month, I’m going to do a little bullet point recap…

·        Crinks has his front two bottom teeth and his top 4 are coming in (all.at.the.same.time.).

·        The wall around our bathtub has been retiled and looks AMAZING!  I’m sure I have a before photo somewhere to show you. 

·        Because of the above tile renovation, we didn’t have use of our shower for the last 2 weeks!  We had to go to my friend’s or parent’s house. 

·        Crinks has been taking steps and almost walked from one side of the living room to the other without falling!

·        We moved our bulky items into our storage unit and signed a contract with our realtor to sell the house!  We don’t have to move or anything, it just seemed like the right time to sell. 

·        At work I've been assigned a territory and am dealing with my own agencies.  Things have definitely picked up around here!

·        My best friend ever moved back from Florida so now I get to see her…

·        I am 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight!  So that isn’t the most recent number.  Since we were having bathroom work done I haven’t had access to a scale.  I don’t feel like I gained weight but who knows any more these days.  Let’s just go with 5 lbs…okay? ;P

While that isn’t all that’s been going on, it pretty much sums things up.  So what do I have to look forward too?

·        Going to CONEY ISLAND (the pool in Ohio, not that lame place in NY :p )

·        Going to Wild About Wine at the Zoo – a wine tasting event at the zoo where you get to pet certain animals (last time I got to pet a Potto, monitor lizard, and a wallaby), drink wine, and eat stuff!

·        Officially getting our house on the market (once the bathtub re-glaze is done)

I think life is going to be fairly hectic for a while now until our house is sold and we can move in elsewhere.  There are two houses I LOVE right now.  One is $100,000 less than the other.  I know the decision I SHOULD make but I also love the more expensive a LOT more…in more ways than 1!  If it’s still on the market when our house sells I’ll have to see what I can do to make that happen!

Pace,

Megan

What Up?

Yeah, I'm that ghetto.

BWHAHAHAH  .... I'm so far from ghetto it's not even funny.  Although I do like a good rap song.  Probably about a year ago I was driving home from work and the sun was out, my windows were down, I was in my Mini Cooper, and ready to paaarrrr-taaaay.  So I decided a little T.I. was in order.  Yeah, so I get stuck at a light and literally the beginning scene from Office Space happened.  There was a black girl just up in the other lane from me and when I pulled up, she turned around and stared at me.  I imediantly  turned my music down and was just looking casually around.  I felt SO awkward!!  But why?  I'm allowed to listen to rap too.  So why, just because I'm white can't I have my music cranked up and whatnot?

I guess it's the same reason that if I saw a black girl with 1,000 Miles by Vanessa Carlton blaring I'd probably give her a look that said, "Really?".  Have you guys seen White Chicks, it's actually pretty funny.  But yeah, stereotypes, they're dumb.

I wonder if years and years down the road there will even be 'races' anymore.  I mean, with people moving over different countries and interracial relationships becoming less and less taboo I think eventually there will only be one race, literally.  And everyone could said that they have Canadian, Irish, German, American, etc, etc, etc heritage.  It would definitely never happen in our lifetime.  Probably not in my great great great great grandchildrens' lifetime.  But I do think it will happen.

It's hard to think of life after you die.  Crazy stuff.  I guess it's like thinking about life before you were born.  Yes, the lessons you learn in history and the stories your parents tell you were before then but that's just it, they're stories.  Some are even so ludicrous that they seem made up (hello WWII).  Like seriously, some guy though that he was ruler of all and that only his specifications were legit with regards to people....that seriously sounds like something written in a story, a tall tale.

Anyway, wow, as usual I've veered off course.  Well there is something for you to think about, stereotypes. I don't ever think they'll go away though.

So on a fun note, I'm tres excited to be going to my zoo's Wild About Wine wine tasting event tomorrow!  The Bage and I are going so it'll be a fun little date night for us.  They have 3 wine events total and a beer event (they have a martini one but I'm not so big on liquor myself).  I bought tickets for all 4 since you basically got a buy 3 in advanced get 1 free but also because it's a major event and it tends to sell out at least a month before each thing.  I'm just excited to have something different to do and check out.  HOPEFULLY I'll remember my camera and we'll take some pictures.  I'm HORRIBLE about taking pictures!  Speaking of, I need to put up the one picture I took from the Cinqo de Mayo festival last weekend.  It's quality..you'll love it!!

Okay, I'm out for now...

Pace,
Megan

This, That, and the Other Thing

I feel like it's been forever since I've written.  I guess I'm so used to writing several times a week that if I go a couple days and don't do it it seems like a long time.

Nothing new here.  I had a great weekend with my family.  We did a lot but not one major thing.  We cleaned the house, had an appraiser come over, went to the park, went to a Cinco de Mayo celebration downtown (pretty disappointing), and yeah, nothing crazy.

Today is Crinks' first day at daycare and I get to stalk watch him on the webcam!!  It's so hard not to just stare at it all day.  I love that I get to see him throughout the day.  And it looks like he's definitely getting some play time.  I'll be so glad to go pick him up though.  I can't wait to see his smile when I go to get him!

Oh!  So get this ... I hanging out with my family yesterday and my sister comes over and takes my hair out of my pony holder and it messing with me hair.  And she says, "Oh my god you have a gray hair!"  My natural response is, "WHAT?!?"  And then she says, "There is actually like 4 or 5."  OMG.  This is what I will look like in the next couple months... I'm convinced!!

   I'm terrified of getting old.  I think when I turn 30 I'll have a little melt-down.  *Mehhh*

  

   Pace,

   Megan

I Made it to the Top...

And I'm heading back down.  The roller coaster of depression that it.  I've been feeling really good for the last month or so (a record as of late!) but I suppose some good things must come to an end.

I was feeling down yesterday but I attributed that to the fact that we officially signed our son up for daycare and that it was Crinks' last day with Sandy.  I'm still feeling it today.

I don't know if it's just the aftermath but I don't think so.  Having been dealing with this pretty much my whole life I've gotten pretty good at determining these things.  I just feel heavy, dense (no people not in the brain!!).  I just want to go home and lay there and do nothing.  I don't really want to eat either.  It just sucks.  The physical act of typing this is tough too.  The energy I need to put into holding my wrists and hands up to type is going to consume all the calories I've eaten today.

And they thing is, there really isn't much I can do except wait for it to pass.  I'm nervous because my mother-in-law is staying at our house from Tuesday night (yesterday) until Friday afternoon.  It's hard because I'm SO SO grateful for her going out of her way to do this but I am just so self conscious.  I don't want her to think I'm mad at her because I will sit there in silence with no expression on my face.  I just want to be alone.

I can never say that though.  Especially around The Bage.  I don't ever want him to think that I don't want him there.  Because 9 times out of 10, I NEED him there with me.  I'm hoping this blows over soon.

I know nobody reads this blog (I mean, who wants to read about the ramblings of a depressed woman?) but if you do and you suffer from depression like this, does anything help you?

I'm taking tomorrow off.  I'm taking Crinks to his 9 month doctor's appointment, getting a manicure, haircut, and stopping by the daycare to drop off paper work and show them how to use the disposable diapers.  It'll be a good day.

I really feel like I need to start writing more about Crinks and what he's doing.  I know I'll just forget everything when he is older.

Pace,
Megan

Crying Sucks

I think I've cried more in the last two to three months than I have in the past say 10 years (if not more!).  The Bage and I visited the daycare center last night and decided (at least in the short term) that was the best decision for now.  They have availability starting Monday which works perfectly since we don't know what Sandy's schedule will be after she meets with the oncology surgeon.  So that makes today the last day Crinks will go to Sandy in a while.

There are so many good things about this daycare and it comforts me that a good friend works there.  But I know it's sad for Sandy and I know Crinks is going to miss her so much.  I'm so afraid on how he is going to transition.  Instead of all the one-on-one he'll be one of 12 kids.  Instead of the dark and quiet room he gets for naps, the lights will be fully on with kids playing in the back ground that don't take naps at that time.

On the positive, the stress of the unknown will be removed, Crinks can get on a schedule elsewhere, and we get webcam access to watch him during the day.  This is so different for us that it's just taking time to adjust.

I just feel tired and drained.  I know when you're exposed to something for a long time you get desensitized. I haven't been around death and bad sickness all that much but I seriously can't handle it.  I really don't think I'll ever be able to handle it.

Sorry this is another sad post.

On the bright side, I think the tile under the linoleum that the previous owners put down is okay, just dirty but okay.  When I lifted up a section the other day is smelled sort of musty and mildewy so I'm hoping a good scrubbing will take care of that.  I do plan on re-grouting too if the tiles are still okay.  I really need to work on my picture taking I just never think to do it.  Maybe because I'm such a fat-ass I don't want to be in pictures... if my husband saw I wrote that he'd yell at me.  He's a crazy man and doesn't think I'm fat.  Silly silly :)  but it's one of the bazillion reasons I love him!!

Pace,
Megan

Life Sure Get's Put Into Perspective Sometimes...

So as you know (you know, all of the NO ONE that reads this blog) Crinkles' sitter has cancer and surgery to remove some of that.  We have been on the fence about whether to move Gavin but we love Sandy so much we really wanted to make it work.  Well, as with most things, they unfolded in such a way which let's me know the right time to take action.  What was my sign?  The fact that Sandy specifically said that it would be a good idea.

What changed in the last week?  I guess her situation is a little more severe than first thought which will change the course of her treatment.  I definitely cried this morning (and am tearing up now as I write this).  It's so so scary everything that can happen to you in the blink of an eye.  The thing is though, you can't worry about it all the time otherwise you'd go insane and NEVER live your life like you should.

She told The Bage this morning when he dropped Crinks off.  He called me on his way to work to tell me.  He just said it really puts your life in perspective and all he wants is to be near me right now.  I really truely believe that if we grow to be old together we're totally going to die Notebook style (aka there's no way I'm surviving a day past when he dies).  I tell him all the time that he can't die before me because I seriously won't be able to handle it.  I love him more than anything in the world (tied with Crinks for 1st) and I tell him that all the time.  It really is so scary and if anything for me, it makes me want to go out there and live my life!

I get on this high when thoughts like this come up.  Like, I'm not going to worry about money and I'm going to travel and have fun and do whatever.  But then I realize, without money, how would I be able to travel?  The Bage doesn't go camping so yeah.  Life really is messed up.  You've got the good people of the world who get hit by cars, or gunned down by crazies because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Then you have the child molesters, killers, and rapists sitting in jail taking up space.  It truly is mess up and makes me kind of sick.

I read an article title where this guy (I think he murdered someone) was protesting his life sentence in jail because it goes against his rights as a human to be locked up for the rest of his life.  ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING ME?!?  Dude, you lost your rights when you FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE ELSE!

And my mother wonders why I have little faith in society and am so cynical about it.  I know it's not healthy to be so I try to be nice but when you have the good people dieing of cancer and then you see stuff like that, it puts your life into perspective.  You really have to wonder if I found out I was going to die in a couple days, months, etc would I be happy with what I've done?

*sigh*  I know this whole topic is so rhetorical and it could be discussed for hours on end going round and round with no end or solution.  I guess that's why I try to forget about these things sometimes.  It's not worth getting scared, worried, and worked up over something I (you, we) have no control over.

Man, sorry for being so depressing this morning.  I just need to say these things 'out loud' get them out of my mind.

Okay everyone, go live your life and be happy, tell the people you love that you love them.

Pace,
Megan

Craigslist...

Have you heard of it?  If not, you probably live under a rock.  Okay, so maybe some people just haven’t heard of it, fine I accept that!  Anyway, lately I’ve been addicted!

    We’re in the process of getting ‘new’ furniture and redoing our bathroom.  So whereas some things will be brand new and some will just be ‘new’ to us, why pay full price?!  If you know me, which no one reading this will, you know I DO NOT pay full price for anything.  Well, almost anything.  Some things you really don’t have an option on.  Anyway, anyway, this is where Craigslist comes in.  It is such an awesome place to go to find new or used things for SO MUCH CHEAPER than stores.  Here is a list of some items I’ve recently purchased and their AMAZING prices:

1)  Modern Section Couch:  This sucker is about 9'x9' so a nice size.  Granted it is 5 years old but I checked it out before buying.  The cushions feel sturdy, it's scotch-guarded, and clean!  I suppose there could be bed bugs (ewww) but I didn't notice any signs of them.  And best of all, I bought it for $420!  Compare that to around $1,000 + for a nice couch that doesn't even include tax and deliver!  Boo Yah!

My 'new' couch bought for $420!

2)  Plain rectangular mirror:  This is a 2' x 3' mirror that I plan to hang in our bathroom (getting rid of the medicine cabinet clunker currently in there).  I will probably get my own frame or border for it so ultimately it will cost a little more than the $30 I paid for it but still, it's cheaper AND it will be something I totally love :)

Those legs belong to the previous owner :p

3)  Ottoman - Now I'm not 100% committed on this yet as I haven't seen it in person and want to bring my couch cushion to see if it would match but I'm about 90% this will work!  It's listed at $60 but I'm hoping to talk the guy down to $50 or $55.  I think it would be a cook funky fabric that would nicely compliment the couch!

You can't quite tell from this picture but there is some blue in there

4)  DIAPERS!  Last but not least.  Again, I haven't bought this yet but I'm going to go check them out and possibly buy today.  It is always great to find a good deal on something that we 'need'.  Even though I don't need diapers per se, they don't hurt to have and it's always good to have some in rotation.

Now with all my lovely purchases here are some tips I would give while Craigslist shopping:

1) Make sure there is a REAL picture, not some stock photo from the website.  If you don't get a real picture how are you going to see that it doesn't have any problems?  Plus, there could be some slight variations.

2)You are NOT committed to buy if you go to look.  Obviously you don't want to frivolously waste someone else's time (you'd be pissed if it happened to you right?) but if you really don't like it or it's not what is advertised you don't have to buy it!

3) EVERYTHING is negotiable.  The worst someone can say is 'no'.  I haven't always negotiated if I really felt something was already really cheap and it's a lower priced item... but you can always ask.  

4)  If you do negotiate though and you're asking for a lot off, have a reason.  For example, I asked for $30 off the listed price for the couch.  I might have been able to get more but I noted the exact price of renting a cleaner to clean it and the cost of travel/gas to get it.  The seller understood and accepted that.

5)  If at all possible go with someone to another person's house (or have someone with you at yours).  If that isn't possible suggest meeting in a public place.  Yes, I've gone to people's houses on my own before but they were women with whom I'd spoke with previously.  It just depends on your comfort level.  But you just don't know who is out there these days.

6)  Pay with cash.  It's courteous and most people prefer that anyway.  Then there is no question on if your check is valid or going to bounce.

7) Be patient.  Because these are individual people they're not going to have a whole warehouse of things to chose from.  Chances are you're not going to find what you want right away.  Start looking some time in advanced of when you NEED something so you don't end up settling.

Those are just some of my thoughts regarding Craigslist, I had more thoughts than I thought I did!  Ha!

Have fun shopping people :)

Pace,

Megan

The Name of the Game...

...is stress.  Seriously.  I know I get stressed out easily but this is something that anyone would be stressed about.

Originally we thought Sandy would need 3 days off every other week while she gets chemo treatments.  For those days my mother would watch Crinks.  I just found out yesterday that my mother is having foot Surgery May 16th and won't be able to put any pressure on her foot for 8-10 weeks.  *sigh*  Talk about a wrench in the plans.

Now, I have the horrible task of letting Sandy know that we need to find an alternate solution for Crinks.  I feel bad from the income stand point as I know she needs it due to upcoming medical bills but I also feel bad 'taking' Crinks away from her.  She loves him and I can tell.  It's not forever I don't think but the current situation is just not working.  I think, being a mom herself, that she'll understand but I know she'll be upset.

This is why I don't ever want to be a manager.  I just don't think I could discuss 'bad' things with people on any sort of regular basis.  I want to make everyone happy (which believe me, I know isn't possible) so yeah.

That is what is going on today.  And it sucks.  On top of all of that, we're thinking about sending Crinks to a daycare.  This is not something I wanted to do until he was 2 or 3.  But, I need to do what I need to do.

The bright side is that the daycare we're looking at has webcams so you can login and watch your baby throughout the day.  I have a friend that is an assistant director there so I completely trust her and know she wouldn't tolerate any shit going on.  It's a clean place, really new (less than a year old), and the cost includes some cool things.

I know this is for the best in the long run and everything will work out.  I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

I'm looking forward to lunch today.  Not so much where we are going, Olive Garden, but it'll be a team lunch which are always fun.  Okay back to work!

Pace,
Megan

You Know You're Addicted to Cloth When...

Your favorite place to buy cloth diapers (and yes, you have a favorite) and accessories from says they're 'closed' from the 19th to the 23rd and you freak out a little because you want need to buy something now!

I even love their logo :)

modernclothdiapers.com ....whhhhyyyy are you closed??

 Okay, okay so you don't cater my my every whim.  Well have fun on vacation or whatever you're busy doing taking a break :)  You'll see my order by Monday hee hee.




You see this title on Craigslist:

Hundreds of CDs for Sale! - $5 (West Chester)

and think OMG what kind of Cloth Diapers do they have that I will want?!?  ...and you're dissappointed when you click the link to find out they're music CDs.  Sad.

Pace,
Megan

A Revelation

                So after being off for a full week I realized why I struggle through the day.  It’s not that I don’t like work, because I really do.  It’s because I’m mentally exhausted from being there all day.  I’ve never had a side-by-side comparison like this before.  I found that after watching Crinks all week I was physically tired at the end of the day but mentally satisfied.  After work, I’m mentally exhausted and my eyes hurt from starting at a computer all day.  So when my son is crying or screaming at night, I’ve found it’s a lot easier to handle when my brain isn’t fried.

                That was a little revelation I’d had yesterday evening.  It really is unfair that this is even a problem.  I want to work away from home but I want to stay at home too….meehhh.  Yes, that was me whining.

                 There are worse problems to have in life I guess though.

Pace,

Megan

I'm Back!

Ahhh, so I’ve been gone for over a week now.  I’m not sure how long and don’t feel like checking for such a minute detail.  I took last week off to stay at home with my little man.  Since his sitter went into Surgery a week and a half ago, in order to lessen the amount of other people I’d have to find to watch Crinks I decided to take some time off. 

I thought I’d be ready after a day or two to go back to work and get my ‘me’ time back…but I wasn’t!  I loved being home with him.  I got some ‘me’ time during his naps and that was enough.  I loved just doing things with him and playing with him but also watching him play on his own.  Maybe down the road after another kid I’ll stay at home for a while but I don’t know. 

I definitely give props to stay at home moms.  Not that I didn’t realize what hard work it was before but by the end of each day, I was more physically tired but emotionally satisfied that I have been at my job.  I think things will turn around with my job when I get more responsibility though.  I’m still in training so I can’t be trusted :p. 

Another benefit of staying at home meant I was moving around a lot more and eating healthier.  I managed to lose another pound and a half last week alone!  I was pretty pumped.  I’m officially 10lbs down from January 1^st!  10 more and I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight.  My goal is to lose 20lbs more by the end of the year.  I’m also hoping baby #2 is in the works by the end of the year as well ;).

I think that’s all I have for now.  Maybe I’ll write more later but we’ll see.

We’re planning on re-doing our bathroom so I’ll have to put up some before pictures and talk a little about what we think we’re going to do.

Pace,

Megan

Cooking with Pinterest

I have a really hard time staying focused when writing.  As previously mentioned I tend to think of things I need to elaborate on before continuing with my current thought.  So, I’ll try to be better about that.

I love Pinterest.  Seriously, best invention ever!  I’m such a visual person that for recipes and the likes I prefer pictures.  If a recipe doesn’t have a picture, I will choose something similar that does.  So with Pinterest I pin so many recipes and unlike many things that you book mark or make note of, I actually go back and use them!  So today I’m dedicating this to 5 of my top yummy Pintrecipes.  New popular term in the making??  I think so!  ...either that or Pintripees.  Yes, double 'e's because if I wrote 'Pintripes' it would read as (pin-tr-eye-ps).

2 Minute Mug Brownie:

http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/09/13/two-minute-mug-brownie/

2 Minute Mug Brownie

So this one is pretty good.  Especially if you're like me and want a brownie but are too lazy to go out to the store or make a full blown recipe.  All the ingredients are things you will most likely have around your house so it's nice for a last minute treat.  My only complaint is that it could be a little sweeter, if you're eating it sans ice cream.  One thing I did add to this was a little hot fudge to top it off.  Pair it with a cold glass of milk and you're in heaven!

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars:

http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/2010/09/caramel-apple-cheesecake-bars.html

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars

I've only made this once but you can sure as sugar bet I'm making this again!  It was a slighty more involved recipe with all the layers but it turned out AWESOME!  I definitely feel it's a very 'Autumn' dessert with the caramel and apple but I wouldn't say no if someone offered it now :)

Homemade Apple Chips:

http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2010/09/16/real-healthy-snacks-apple-chips-recipe/

Homemade Apple Chips

This is a really good, healthy, and natural treat.  I used my mandolin slicer thing which helped me get some thinner slices.  Probably the one down side is that making a lot at once would be time consuming as you can only fit so many on a cookie sheet at a time.  Plus, you'd need to slice the apple fresh each time so they don't start to brown while waiting to be cooked.  I highly recommend this, it will be a perfect snack to pack in my little boy's lunch!

Fruity Peanut Butter Yogurt Dip:

http://www.thewannabechef.net/2011/05/11/fruity-peanut-butter-yogurt-dip/

Fruity Peanut Butter Dip

Another delicious and quick snack item.  There are literally 4 ingredients but 2 are probably some that you don't just have in your pantry.  I loved the subtle hint of fruit that came with using strawberry Greek yogurt (I use Fage or Yoplait) but I think honey would be really good as well.  In lieu of fruits I used Stacy's Cinnamon Sugar and Original pita chips which I thought were really good.  Even though you have to get specialty peanut butter, there is plenty left over to make more!  It also stores well.

Chinese Lemon Chicken

http://blogchef.net/chinese-lemon-chicken-recipe/

Chinese Lemon Chicken

Yum, Yum, and yum!  I guess this would save you money vs going out to buy it but it is for sure waaayyyy healthier!  I skimped a little on the pepper and spice (in that I didn't put any in) but it would have definitely been good with a little kick too.  I think also serving this with some stir-fried veggies would have added to the tastiness and variety of flavor.  We have a small deep fryer so I had to make this in two batches but it turned out really good and it's really easy!

So seriously people, don't just pin, do!

Pace,

Megan

Here's a little plug but feel free to follow me on Pinterest: warnckms

A Day of Updates

Day 3.  Wait, but what about days 1 and 2?  And what are we even talking about?!  Yeah well, it was over the weekend when I started this so I didn’t write anything about it on here.  I don’t blog at home, remember?  Maybe one day I’ll start.  Mainly just because I need to get some photos up on here and I don’t really have many at work.

So, day 3 of me trying to STOP BITING MY CUTICLES!  I’m doing pretty well too!  I haven’t put anything on them and have just been trying to be really conscious about it.  Yes, they creep to my mouth still but that will take time.  The main thing is, when I notice it, I force myself to put my hand down.  I don’t beat myself up over it.  Also, if there is a hang nail or whatever, I pick it off with my fingers or use a nail clipper.  Yes, that is still peeling skin off but a) it’s not biting and b) I don’t take nearly as much off in such a compulsive manner.  There were times I’d bite even though there was nothing to bite and my skin was raw and sometimes bleeding. 

So yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself for the will power and progress I’ve made so far.

Update #1…weight loss!  I’m down about 9lbs right now!  This is from January when I really started to diet and exercise and keep track.  My son was born in August and whereas I did work out and *try* to eat healthy, it wasn’t the big effort I should have been making.  Here are the stats so far:

Starting weight: (after Gavin was born and water weight lost): 277lbs!

Current weight: 266lbs

Goal weight: 230lbs

Ultimate goal weight: 170lbs

Yeah, I weigh A LOT but let me just say something, I can’t remember ever being below 170 and being healthy.  I remember weighing about 160lbs at one point and my hip bones were jutting out.  Not anorexic looking but not healthy looking either.  Anyway, I’m a heavier girl but I’m also very muscular.  I’m in no way justifying what I weight right now but I’m explaining why my ultimate goal weight is higher than what most people would think is ‘healthy’.

I’ve hit speed bumps here and there (who hasn’t) but the main thing is, I’ve been making much healthier decisions, indulging from time to time, and taking it easy.  I realize 100lbs isn’t going to come off right away but it is coming off! 

I want to weigh at LEAST 230 by the time I get pregnant again which I’m thinking/hoping will be at the end of this year or Spring of next maybe so that definitely gives me some time to work hard. 

I’ll have to find some pictures.

In other fun news, Crinks is getting his first tooth in!  I think he looks super cute without teeth but they have to come in eventually.  It does make him a little cranky to say the least.

30 Before 30

 

So I've seen this here and there but I really like the idea of picking 30 things I want to accomplish before I'm 30.  I think everything on here is very attainable.  It's a lot of stuff that I never have the 'time' for.  You know, all that time I spend sitting around on my ass is clearly already booked.



So here it is in no particular order:

1) Have 2nd and last baby.  I mean come on, who wouldn't want another baby as precious as he is?

2) Go to Paris

3) Cook at least 3 meals a week (I don’t like to cook so much so this is ambitious)
4) Be debt free (aside from my mortgage)
5) Have a getaway for every wedding anniversary just The Bage and I
6) Finish Wedding/Honeymoon Scrap Book
7) FINISH WEDDING ALBUM!  (I got married 10/15/10 !!)
8) Finish a baby scrapbook (small)
9) Make DIY Roman blinds - random but something I want to do!


10) Watch every Oscar nominated movie for any given year
11) Lose 100 lbs.
12) Buy my own kayak (or single shell) and learn to flip over
13) Donate hair to locks of love
14) See a Coldplay concert in another city
15) Throw a surprise party for Kelly
16) Take a beginning sewing class
17) Earn my CPCU designation
18) Volunteer at an animal shelter
19) Learn to let go and forgive
20) Meditate at least 5 days a week for 5 minutes

21) Go one weekend without doing anything productive (I will regret that later :) )
22) Start a garden
23) Throw a party
24) Break habit of biting cuticles

25) Travel and stay in a state I’ve never been before
26) Organize photos and photo albums
27) Sell The Bage’s baseball cards
28) Go to Harry Potter World!

29) Get iPhone
30) Love my family, Love myself, Love life

That last one seems like such a no brainier but sometimes, it's really hard for me (especially loving myself and life).  At risk of sounding cheesy here, there is so much to live for that you really do need to appreciate everything life has to offer.

So that's it....maybe I'll write more later, about nothing in particular.  Aren't you excited!?  hahah


Pace,
Megan

The Middle and The End

Okay, so where was I?  I’d just gotten the epidural which sent me into breathable bliss.  They went ahead and broke the bag of waters (apparently that’s what it’s called, it just sounds weird) to get things moving along.  It was still early enough that the epidural started to wear off.  I should have just held off getting a second dose because when I got that, I felt even more numb that the first round.  Not only that but I was laying back far enough that the numbness creeped up to my chest.  It seriously freaked me out. 

By the time I was ready to push I couldn’t feel anything down there.  Nothing.  I was hoping that whatever movement I was trying to make was successfully working my baby out but I couldn’t tell. 

I think I pushed for about an hour and 20 minutes, I had to slow down and push every other contraction because Crink’s heart rate dropped a little everytime I pushed but all in all, not too bad!

Soon enough baby boy was with me and The Bage and life couldn’t be any better.  And you know what?  Anything else they did down there, sew the tear, the afterbirth, whatever…I was completely unaware of. 

The thing is though, once a little time passed, I was going to try and get up.

Here is our first family portrait...yes I looked (and felt) like a cow.  I'm working on that!

Here is the grand prize at the end of it all!  He was SO hairy oh my goodness!  

Bad idea, I started to get up, and started to pass out.  Luckily I felt it coming and sat back on the bed (so at least I didn’t fall on the floor).  Apparently I’d lost a bit more blood than usual so yeah.  It took a day until I could stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out but even then it took a while.  And a gross thing, seriously, don’t continue reading if you are easily grossed out…I had a huge blood clot!  Like, nurses were telling other nurses about it it was so big.  It seriously felt like I had another baby.  Gross. Haha

Anyway, the first couple days were okay.  Crinks cried a lot because he wasn’t getting enough to eat but once he did, he slept, and I slept, and it was glorious! 

So yeah, that’s the rest.  I guess I thought I was going to write more about it but apparently not.  I’m sure things will creep into my mind down the road like, ‘Oh, you should have mentioned that.’  Whatever, get over it!

You know, you can read all you want and talk to people all you want about the lack of sleep you’ll get and how you can love someone so much but you seriously never know until you’re in it.  I look at my baby sometimes and think, I don’t know how there could be any more room in my heart for anyone because I love him so much!  It’s a crazy feeling. 

The tiredness…well that coupled with a baby who isn’t getting enough to eat, coupled with depression is a recipe for a breakdown.  The first week was rough.  I nursed for about 20 minutes on EACH side, then pumped both sides for at least 20 minutes.  By the time all that was done, he was pretty much ready to eat again.  I was barely getting anything when I pumped and I just was never sure about the latch.  After a week, I decided to switch to formula.  I had a breast surgery several years ago so that was a definite factor.  I don’t regret what I did.  It was best for my family (and my sanity) but now that I know what to expect, I’m really going to try much much harder with our second baby (whenever s/he gets here).

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!  It feels weird writing that on here for people I don't even know to read.  Things that while not embarrassing are personal and I've never told some of this stuff to anyone but my husband who was there.  It's just weird but it feels good to write about it.  None of my family knows about this blog, not even my husband.  It's my little secret! MWHAHAHAHAHA

Pace,

Megan