I Made it to the Top...

And I'm heading back down.  The roller coaster of depression that it.  I've been feeling really good for the last month or so (a record as of late!) but I suppose some good things must come to an end.

I was feeling down yesterday but I attributed that to the fact that we officially signed our son up for daycare and that it was Crinks' last day with Sandy.  I'm still feeling it today.

I don't know if it's just the aftermath but I don't think so.  Having been dealing with this pretty much my whole life I've gotten pretty good at determining these things.  I just feel heavy, dense (no people not in the brain!!).  I just want to go home and lay there and do nothing.  I don't really want to eat either.  It just sucks.  The physical act of typing this is tough too.  The energy I need to put into holding my wrists and hands up to type is going to consume all the calories I've eaten today.

And they thing is, there really isn't much I can do except wait for it to pass.  I'm nervous because my mother-in-law is staying at our house from Tuesday night (yesterday) until Friday afternoon.  It's hard because I'm SO SO grateful for her going out of her way to do this but I am just so self conscious.  I don't want her to think I'm mad at her because I will sit there in silence with no expression on my face.  I just want to be alone.

I can never say that though.  Especially around The Bage.  I don't ever want him to think that I don't want him there.  Because 9 times out of 10, I NEED him there with me.  I'm hoping this blows over soon.

I know nobody reads this blog (I mean, who wants to read about the ramblings of a depressed woman?) but if you do and you suffer from depression like this, does anything help you?

I'm taking tomorrow off.  I'm taking Crinks to his 9 month doctor's appointment, getting a manicure, haircut, and stopping by the daycare to drop off paper work and show them how to use the disposable diapers.  It'll be a good day.

I really feel like I need to start writing more about Crinks and what he's doing.  I know I'll just forget everything when he is older.

Pace,
Megan