30 Before 30

 

So I've seen this here and there but I really like the idea of picking 30 things I want to accomplish before I'm 30.  I think everything on here is very attainable.  It's a lot of stuff that I never have the 'time' for.  You know, all that time I spend sitting around on my ass is clearly already booked.



So here it is in no particular order:

1) Have 2nd and last baby.  I mean come on, who wouldn't want another baby as precious as he is?

2) Go to Paris

3) Cook at least 3 meals a week (I don’t like to cook so much so this is ambitious)
4) Be debt free (aside from my mortgage)
5) Have a getaway for every wedding anniversary just The Bage and I
6) Finish Wedding/Honeymoon Scrap Book
7) FINISH WEDDING ALBUM!  (I got married 10/15/10 !!)
8) Finish a baby scrapbook (small)
9) Make DIY Roman blinds - random but something I want to do!


10) Watch every Oscar nominated movie for any given year
11) Lose 100 lbs.
12) Buy my own kayak (or single shell) and learn to flip over
13) Donate hair to locks of love
14) See a Coldplay concert in another city
15) Throw a surprise party for Kelly
16) Take a beginning sewing class
17) Earn my CPCU designation
18) Volunteer at an animal shelter
19) Learn to let go and forgive
20) Meditate at least 5 days a week for 5 minutes

21) Go one weekend without doing anything productive (I will regret that later :) )
22) Start a garden
23) Throw a party
24) Break habit of biting cuticles

25) Travel and stay in a state I’ve never been before
26) Organize photos and photo albums
27) Sell The Bage’s baseball cards
28) Go to Harry Potter World!

29) Get iPhone
30) Love my family, Love myself, Love life

That last one seems like such a no brainier but sometimes, it's really hard for me (especially loving myself and life).  At risk of sounding cheesy here, there is so much to live for that you really do need to appreciate everything life has to offer.

So that's it....maybe I'll write more later, about nothing in particular.  Aren't you excited!?  hahah


Pace,
Megan

The Middle and The End

Okay, so where was I?  I’d just gotten the epidural which sent me into breathable bliss.  They went ahead and broke the bag of waters (apparently that’s what it’s called, it just sounds weird) to get things moving along.  It was still early enough that the epidural started to wear off.  I should have just held off getting a second dose because when I got that, I felt even more numb that the first round.  Not only that but I was laying back far enough that the numbness creeped up to my chest.  It seriously freaked me out. 

By the time I was ready to push I couldn’t feel anything down there.  Nothing.  I was hoping that whatever movement I was trying to make was successfully working my baby out but I couldn’t tell. 

I think I pushed for about an hour and 20 minutes, I had to slow down and push every other contraction because Crink’s heart rate dropped a little everytime I pushed but all in all, not too bad!

Soon enough baby boy was with me and The Bage and life couldn’t be any better.  And you know what?  Anything else they did down there, sew the tear, the afterbirth, whatever…I was completely unaware of. 

The thing is though, once a little time passed, I was going to try and get up.

Here is our first family portrait...yes I looked (and felt) like a cow.  I'm working on that!

Here is the grand prize at the end of it all!  He was SO hairy oh my goodness!  

Bad idea, I started to get up, and started to pass out.  Luckily I felt it coming and sat back on the bed (so at least I didn’t fall on the floor).  Apparently I’d lost a bit more blood than usual so yeah.  It took a day until I could stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out but even then it took a while.  And a gross thing, seriously, don’t continue reading if you are easily grossed out…I had a huge blood clot!  Like, nurses were telling other nurses about it it was so big.  It seriously felt like I had another baby.  Gross. Haha

Anyway, the first couple days were okay.  Crinks cried a lot because he wasn’t getting enough to eat but once he did, he slept, and I slept, and it was glorious! 

So yeah, that’s the rest.  I guess I thought I was going to write more about it but apparently not.  I’m sure things will creep into my mind down the road like, ‘Oh, you should have mentioned that.’  Whatever, get over it!

You know, you can read all you want and talk to people all you want about the lack of sleep you’ll get and how you can love someone so much but you seriously never know until you’re in it.  I look at my baby sometimes and think, I don’t know how there could be any more room in my heart for anyone because I love him so much!  It’s a crazy feeling. 

The tiredness…well that coupled with a baby who isn’t getting enough to eat, coupled with depression is a recipe for a breakdown.  The first week was rough.  I nursed for about 20 minutes on EACH side, then pumped both sides for at least 20 minutes.  By the time all that was done, he was pretty much ready to eat again.  I was barely getting anything when I pumped and I just was never sure about the latch.  After a week, I decided to switch to formula.  I had a breast surgery several years ago so that was a definite factor.  I don’t regret what I did.  It was best for my family (and my sanity) but now that I know what to expect, I’m really going to try much much harder with our second baby (whenever s/he gets here).

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!  It feels weird writing that on here for people I don't even know to read.  Things that while not embarrassing are personal and I've never told some of this stuff to anyone but my husband who was there.  It's just weird but it feels good to write about it.  None of my family knows about this blog, not even my husband.  It's my little secret! MWHAHAHAHAHA

Pace,

Megan

The Beginning

Okay so I don’t want to forget this (although it’s already been 8 months as of this coming Sunday!) so I thought maybe I could write some things down…

My pregnancy was an awesome pregnancy!  Seriously.  I was extremely tired the first trimester.  I would go to my car and nap at lunch and sometimes even doze off while at my desk.  Uh oh… haha.  Anyway, no morning sickness, no back pain, just hungry.  I craved steak and salad for the first few months.  After that it turned to anything orange.  Orange juice, oranges, orange popsicles, etc.  My the time I’d reached my third trimester I wanted fruit and milk.  Oh my goodness did I want milk.  I would go through a gallon by. my. self. within 2-3 days.  It was pretty crazy. 

I was big but very happy.  I worked out and did pre-natal water aerobics and even got a personal trainer when I was over 30 weeks along.  After a while I couldn’t go because I got way to uncomfortable to get on the elliptical and other machines. 

I tested just fine for gestational diabetes (aka, didn’t have it) but when I was 36 weeks along I was diagnosed with gestation hypertension.  My blood pressure wasn’t way off the charts but it was high and I was feeling crappy.  So I was put on bed rest. 

It was really difficult at first.  I’m so used to just being all go go go and here I had to stop.  The first week was hard but then I got used to it.  I’d play video games and read and I got a lot of things done that I kept putting off (like organize my address book). 

I started having contractions Saturday morning July 30^th.  At first I thought it was just gas that was stuck.  It hurt but then went away.  After about an hour I thought, hmmm maybe this isn’t gas and I started timing. I realized that I was starting to contract every 15 to 20 minutes!  I tried to go about my normal day (of laying around :p) and ended up going to Target with The Bage just to move around some and see if I couldn’t help things along.  We were at Target for a long time where I (luckily) had a shopping cart to lean on.  I just slowly waddled around there stopping when I needed too.  I felt like this all day and it went into the night when we called the doctor’s office when the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart.  They said not to call or go to the hospital until I was 2-3 minutes apart. 

Sunday morning I woke up and they were gone.  It was sort of disappointing but this time we decided to go to the mall and walk around.  We were barely in there 15 minutes when I just had to leave.  I wasn’t contracting but I was SO uncomfortable.  Plus, I didn’t have anything to lean my large self on.  The contractions stayed away for the remainder of afternoon and most of the evening.  Well, they decided to pick up again that night.  They were harder and more frequent out of the blue.  I started timing them and they were around 5 minutes but by the time 1:00am rolled around they were 2-3 minutes. So, we headed to the hospital!

They checked me into triage and determined I was indeed in the early stages of labor so they got me admitted and into my room.

The remainder of the morning I spent walking around the floor, bouncing on a ball and spent a good hour in the shower dozing in and out.  Finally the time came though when I was having 2 to 3 contractions back to back that I gave in and got the epidural.

That (in my opinion) was the worst thing in the world.  I could feel the needle IN MY BACK!  I pass out getting blood drawn mind you so yeah, not cool!  The anesthesiologist yelled at me because I kept jumping and flinching.  Finally she got it in and it was like night and day.  I could breath.  That was the big thing; I could breath and relax for a second.  And you know, for as wonderful as that felt I will still try and go natural with my second baby. 

I think I’ll save the rest for later.  I’m getting tired of typing!  I’m wordy, can you tell??

Pace,

Megan

When Depression Rears it's (Very) Ugly Head

What a great weekend! It’s so hard though because I tend to forget that I have a job, like literally. I never think of work which is good and bad. The good is pretty apparent but the bad? It’s that much harder when you’re thinking, “Oh, what am I doing tomorrow? Oooohhhh……” and you realize you have to go to work. It makes it even worse when your commute is 80 minutes total like *ahem* yours truly here. Yeah, that really sucks. But what can I do? I like my job and my company. I also like the area that I live in so yeah. I could pick one or the other but why do that when I don’t have to?

I went to a friend’s baby shower this weekend. It would have been more fun if a) I knew anyone there (besides the momma-to-be herself) and b) I was in the mood to be around people. So let me get into this…

I suffer from depression. I guess that is how you word it because you wouldn’t really say “I have depression”. Would you? I don’t know. Anyway, I do suffer. I’ve gotten better through counseling and medication but sometimes it really creeps up on me and *WHAM* it hits me and it’s not pretty.

So this weekend, after the shower we were driving home (it’s an hour drive) and Crinks is just screaming. I already cannot stand babies, kids, children, whoever screaming. I hate it. I act like a child and have to cover my ears to try to retain my sanity. Anyway, I find out that The Bage last fed him 2.5 hours ago. We’ll I practically lost it. I mean, he was watching him so I guess I relied on him to think about this in advanced and have a bottle for the road. So in my anger I climb to the back seat to get the remaining 2oz that we (THANKFULLY) had in the diaper bag. In the process I ripped my skirt. So I did what any normal person would do… I continued to try and tear the thing to shreds crying the whole time. And as I’m doing it I’m thinking, you will regret this later!! Then I calmed down enough to where all that occupied my mind was to jump out of our car that was going 75 mph. I told The Bage to pull over because I was afraid I was going to do it. I’ve never hurt myself that bad before but I hit my head so hard on the wall the other day that 3 days later I still have a bump that stings.

Anyway, I have the most amazing husband in the world. He pulls over and just calmly strokes my hair and lets me get it out. I seriously don’t know how he can put up with this. I mean, I’m an adult, with a child, I should be able to take care of him, not my husband having to baby me.

The thing is, not only do I scare my husband, I’m afraid of how Crinks will react when he is older. My pugs know that when I use the F-bomb to stay away. Like I said, I’m getting better but I don’t think it’s something that will ever truly go away. It’s pretty frustrating. I can write more about this later but it is depressing. Sorry

Pace, Megan

Weird News Day....

   I feel like my mind is in a million places at once right now. We found out Sandy has colon cancer and it has metastasized to her liver. She goes to the doctor on Thursday to discuss everything in detail. In the meantime, I’m worrying about future childcare for my son.

    I think my best friend is going to be able to watch him if we need which is such a relief. I was really worried about having to learn to trust a stranger all over again. I’m just not ready to put Gavin in a daycare. I’m thinking when he is 3, maybe 2, but not right now.

    In other weird news, not that anyone out in the world cares, but I’m going on day 52 of my menstrual cycle! I’m not pregnant. At least, I don’t feel or think I’m pregnant. I even took a test last week and it was negative. I’m just nervous it could be something worse. I’d almost rather be pregnant! I’m going to the doctor this afternoon so we’ll see what they say.

   I've been good about staying active, I did weights today and am trying to get Gavin outside on walks with the puppies. He really does seem to enjoy being outside looking at everything! That’s about all I have for now. Boring huh? Maybe I can write a post on something in particular…like cloth diapers, depression, or being a chunky monkey.

 Pace,
 Megan

When Very Bad Things Happen to Good People...

    When bad, very bad things happen to good people. I don’t know how to deal with many things, embarrassment, stupidity, and things that don’t happen exactly when I want them too. The things I REALLY don’t know how to deal with, death, impending death, sickness (the bad kind). I admit, I go into a denial. In my defense, it’s the only way to get by without looking at someone and breaking down in tears.

     Now, it’s not 100% yet but we’re pretty sure that Sandy (my son’s daycare provider) has cancer of the liver. I don’t know what level it is or even if it’s metastasized. All I know is that she has some ‘questionable spots’ from a CT scan she had done earlier this week.  I was able to cope until this morning. The Bage had talked to her after dropping Crinks off and it definitely sounds like she is preparing for the worst.
 
     Being the person I am and the need for understanding and knowledge, I decided to do some research. Bad idea. Apparently in one of the best case scenarios the survival rate past 5 y ears is 30%. I know Sandy is such a strong woman and has so much to live for so I truly believe she can be one of the 30%. I don’t pray, I’m not very religious but I will pray for her. I want to believe in God and everything but I have a hard time with it. If you do believe in God or any other higher being, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

 Pace,
Megan

My daily battle with Sleepiness has caught up with my wallet...

    So I’m totally going to boo-hoo for a second here and then be done.  I had a sleep study done several weeks ago because guess what?  I couldn’t sleep!  I haven’t been sleeping for years now.  Anyway, finally had one done.  When I called the pre-registration services I asked how much it would be, $250 is what he told me.  Okay, it’s pricey but I can handle that, especially if it means a) I get some sleep and b) I can lessen my depression (yes, I have depression, we can discuss that later).  Well today I call my health insurance again to see how much a test that I’m supposed to take today would cost.  She tells me since I’m almost at my max out-of-pocket limit for the year that it would only cost me $117.  Hold on, there is no way I’ve dropped almost $1,000 so far this YEAR on medical things… come to find out, that $250 bill I thought I was going to get turns out to be $650!!!!!  I would have thought twice and again before getting this done if I’d known that.  Needless to say I was/am rather upset at the stupid idiot who told me the incorrect information.  But what can I do?  Not a whole damn lot.

    So originally, I was debating on whether to even continue with the testing and equipment.  Now I’m debating if I should just take advantage of the fact that I only have to spend $117 on myself for medical stuff for the rest of the year!  I mean, I’d look pretty hot sleeping in one of these…

there’s no way my husband can resist me now ;).

    But seriously it’s depressing.  It’s not a difference of $5 and $10.  It’s $400.  Wth. 

On the bright side, I’m alive today.  I guess that is something to be excited about.  I need to step up my weight loss a notch here.  No more sugar!!!!  Yeah, we’ll see how far that gets me!

I have to think about it though... maybe I'll just invest in a lifetime supply of Tylenol PM.

Pace,
Megan

I Don't Remember What I Forgot

Howdy y’all!  Okay so I REALLY don’t talk like that.  I’m from the Midwest so technically I don’t have an accent of any kind!  I’m sure people from every other part of the country would beg to differ ;). 

Anyway, I’m here.   I’ve tried to start blogs in the past but have had a hard time keeping up with them.  For some reason, life always seems to get in the way.  Plus, I like to write lengthy posts so they take a lot of time and I find it difficult to just save something and then come back to it.  I lose my train of thought.  I’m trying again because honestly, I’m awesome and who wouldn’t want to read about my life. hahahahaha, sarcasm is a friend of mine. 

So, for a brief introduction, I’m Meggie Sue.  I have a husband, The Bage.  I have a son, Crinkles.  I have two pugs, Boo Nugs and Sopher Kahns.  I work in insurance and like it.  I love anything I’m interested at the time.

I don’t even know what is going to be in this blog.  I know a lot of people have a theme like, pregnancy, babies, house decorating, food, etc but you know what, I think this blog should be a reflection of me.  And do you know who I am?  I am random.  My mind tends to go a million miles a minute and if I don’t write something down, I’ll forget it.  From there, I’m shit out of luck because at that point.  I can’t remember what I’ve forgotten.

Pace,

Megan