I Never Thought I'd Get Here Again...

Baby talk!  Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted 2 kids, no more, no less.  But over the last 15 months with Crinkles I can't count on my own hands and feet the number of times I've thought, this isn't happening again.  This whole living your existence with screaming, crying, pooping, sleeping...yes, yes, the baby NOT ME (well......) is just not my cup o' tea.  I love love love the stage he's at now!  He's so curious and interactive.  I love that he understands (most) of what i'm saying.  He likes to help us feed the doggies ("Haiii doe doe") and dry the dishes and mop. 

But the other day, I was stolling along being all me, and then the thought hit me.  Like, a light switch literally flipped because there were no shades of gray in this at all.  Light bulb over my head....I'm ready for Crinkles Junior.  And before anyone says anything, yes, you can have a "Junior" off a "Senior" if that "Senior" happens to be their sibling.  I mean, that's who you're naming them after right?  Well, that's how it's going down in my world.

Anyway, so Crinkles Junior, or CJ for short... I'm just ready.  It just stinks we have to keep an eye on our finances.  Boooo money.  We both have great salaries and are frugal on top of that.  But we just bought a new house in August which saw our mortgage go up $500!  We also borrowed some money from my parents which we have to payback.  I want to have them paid back within 3 years but that's almost $5,000 a year.  so yeah, with those things on top of our other loans, it would just be best to be patient and hold off.  The last thing I ever want to do again is live paycheck to paycheck.  Not. Fun.

But i'm excited.  Especially after hanging out with a 4 month old and 10 month old this last weekend.  I had so much fun.  I just can't think of the horrible sleeplessness and stress.  I tell myself it'll be a little better now that I have a better idea what to expect.  But as I hear from everyone, no two babies are the same.  We'll see I guess. 

I need to do one thing at a time.  I need to focus on getting the house in shape, getting my butt in shape, and figure out what is going on with my job.

Speaking of my butt, I'm down about 20 lbs!  I was doing really well and then this last weekend blew up in my face.  Add that to the fact that Thanksgiving is coming up.  I wish I had someone doing this with me.  It's a lot more motivating when you're accountable to someone other than yourself.  It doesn't help that The Bage is not eating well AT ALL lately.  He's driving me crazy!

We got two large bags of candy from Sam's for Halloween this year.  We were told from neighbors that so many kids come along.  Well this year, the weather was aweful... it was cold and spitting rain here and there.  We barely had any kids.  So at first we were going to try and return the candy.  But then we couldn't find the receipt.  So I'm thinking cool, it'll be nice to have some candy around to have a treat here and there.  Well not only has The Bage eaten at least 3 pieces of candy a day but he usually eats more.  He finished a whole bage of nerds in 2 or 3 days.  It just makes me nervous.  It's like, ever since he got back from the hospital he just eats like crap and comes up with excuses on why he can't go work out. 

I don't want to push him, or nag on him, especially with how great he's been with me.  Since we've been together I've gained over 50lbs.  Part of that was an after effect of a surgery I had but I know I haven't always eaten the greatest.  But it just makes me nervous, like he thinks, "Oh, I lost all this weight when I was in the hospital so I can gain it back."  I don't know.  I think he's a little depressed right now.  He doesn't have any guy friends near by to hang out with.  I've been more social lately with going out and have been leaving him on his out more often.  Not that he can't handle himself without me by any means but I know that can be lonely. 

I just wish there was something I could do.  I've asked him several times if he's happy.  He says 'yes' but I know him.  I'm really trying to encourage him to go visit is friend down in Lexington, KY.  He's really not that far away but I think he's just being lazy and doesn't want to make the trip.

I feel like I've finally figured myself out.  I've gotten over the fact that I'm an adult now and I have more responsibility than I did before.  I think he's still struggling with that.  I didn't realize for the longest time that's a big part of what was bothering me.  It took me months after my theapy sessions ended for me to come to that realization.  I found myself being upset about the things I *had* to do.  And that all I wanted to do was play video and computer games like I *used* to.  Those were the keys, my life isn't filled up with all these empty hours now where I can do whatever I want whenever.  I have a baby now that I need to take care of, and educate, and play with.  I know that sounds like such a basic idea but it was such a big dramatic change that it took a long time for me to get over and get used to. 

Since realizing that, I've been able to make what we do together fun.  If it's nice outside, we go to the park right after I pick him up.  Or we go outside to play.  There are days we just go home when I have to get something done.  It's just the way life is.  I feel so good about my life now.  A little over a year ago I wouldn't have said that, even two years ago.  I've been struggling with this depression for so long that I'd get lost in my thoughts.  I'd start my medication only to stop it when I would start feeling good but then I'd go right back down again.  I do eventually want to try and get off of it but I don't think I'll ever really be able to. 

I'm such a different, happy person on it.  I can tell an immediant difference if I miss my pill for a day or two.  I'm not an advocate of taking drugs or pills because they're the easy solution.  Trust me, I've tried meditation, progressive relaxation, all sorts of stuff.  But it never worked and I would have these explosions, melt downs, if I were a bomb my meltdowns would probably take out the earth.  But with the medicine.  I feel like I can think clearly.  I can recognize myself amongst whatever stress or thoughts I have an get myself to calm down an react is a mostly rational manner. 

Not everyone needs medication but for those who do, it really is life changing. 

As usual, I've gotten off on a random tanget and at this point need to get going, that whole work thing really gets in the way sometimes :)

Pace,
Meggie Sue

The Little Things

And not in a good way, like "Oh, we all need to appreciate the little things in life.".  Don't get me wrong, we certainly do!  But do you know what really grinds my gears (if you're a fan of Family Guy you'll get the reference)?  When bloggers are all, "I'm going to tell it like it is and I'm not going to hold anything back because this is my blog blahbitty, blah, blah, blah.".  Well that's all fine and dandy, you should be honest on your own space.  But what's irritating is when someone makes a post about something that could be somewhat controversial (we're not talking gay marriage or abortion here or anything).  Then, surprise surprise, they start getting comments.  Then they act all surprised and then post about how they don't want to offend anyone but that if people don't like it then they just don't have to read. 

Okay, you posted it knowing that you would get comments like that and yet, you take this stance on being all honest but then feel the need to turn around and apologize for whatever you say?  How about you just ignore it.  You don't like a hurtful comment, delete it a move on!  That's what you're all about right? 

I need to stop going to this one blog where it's like that, the writer will post something, then gets all b*tchy (<-- I bet you couldn't tell what that word was ;p) and full of attitude and turns around and does it again.  This is the same person that brags about how she is all not about drama. ...rrrrriiiigght. 

Anyway, off my soap box now.  In joyful news, I'm happy!  Hahaha, that was totally random, which most of my thoughts are anyway.

Pace,
Megan

There's Nothin' Happening...

Here.

Don't you just love the creative and energetic post titles I come up with?  I thought so. 

So yeah, nothing special going on right now.  My stepdad came over last Saturday and helped hang our Ikea entertainment shelves.  It's starting to look like a living room!  Now if only I could get matching furniture :p 

It's just so hard to justify right now when what we have works fine and the people that would see it wouldn't care (or shouldn't) so why spend a couple thousand on some furniture just so it matched?  Maybe down the road.  We're working on becoming debt free!!  Seriously, it's still a couple years away but in the grand scheme of things, that's nothing.  And when I say "debt free" I mean, the only thing we will be owing money to will be our house.  But I really don't count a mortgage because that much money doesn't really exist! hahahah

But seriously, I know that is so far off that I just can't even thing of that amount.  Anyway, we're doing everything we can to throw extra money towards the two loans we do have left.  We're under $20,000 now!  It's exciting stuff. 

The thing is, I'm kind of getting that itch again.  The itch to have a baby!!!!  It was like a light switch.  I mean, several days ago I was like, eh that's not happening any time soon!  Then the other day I was just like this needs to happen!  But alas, it won't be happening for some time now.  I don't think we're going to start trying until next year, about a year from now.  And no, life isn't all about money but given that we just moved, I think it would be wisest to get what we can in order to see what we're working with.

And whereas I like the idea of staying at home for a little bit, I just can't see that happening.  I like working, and earning money.  Based on my salary it makes no sense for me not to work.  Even with two kids in daycare.  Oh well.  Maybe once they're out of day care and in school it would be an option.  But as previously mentioned, I can't ever see that happening.

I do like the idea of being able to stay home, work on food and clean the house.  It's not so much that I want the "barefoot in the kitchen" thing going on but rather, I enjoy that stuff.  I just don't enjoy it after I've worked an 8 hour day and have been in my car commuting for another hour on top of that.  Everything is just so rushed. 

We've made steps on cleaning stuff up as we go so it's not like this huge mess at any one time but it still has to be done.

Okay, I need to pee.  I've been drinking a ton of water today!

Pace,
Meggie Sue

Ya Know....I'm here

So I’m kind of grump-a-licious today.  I’m just not feeling the whole, “work” thing.  My agents are asking me stupid questions too which works a nerve.  I feel like the day should be over but I still have 1.5 hours left.  Mehhh, that was me whining.  Okay, enough of that.

So we bought a house a couple months ago.  Did I mention that?  I know I said we were going to sell our house but then life got crazy, literally, and I didn’t have time for anything, not even myself.  The Bage got sick, he was diagnosed with Gillain-Berre Syndrom.  Long story short, he had to go to the hospital, he lost feeling in his legs, groin, hands and arms, and partial face paralysis.  It scared me.  On the bright side, we think it was diagnosed and treated before it got awful so he recovered relatively quickly.  He was in the hospital for a week getting treatments and such, then he went to inpatient physical therapy.  He lost like 20 pounds in 2 weeks!  But now he’s 100%! 

I honestly don’t even know what was going on in my mind at the time.  I seriously didn’t have a second to think of myself.  The first week Paul was in the hospital, I took off work.  I was with him for the majority of the time unless I had to get Crinks.  That next week I did go back to work.  If anything, work was the brake I needed.

My husband’s mother stayed with us for a month.  It was very bittersweet.  I guess more like rottenmeatsweet.  At first it was nice, I had someone to help watch Crinks when he wasn’t at daycare.  But omg, the lady doesn’t shut up.  Seriously.  Not only did I never have the house to myself, but I had to share it with my in-laws without my husband as a buffer.  I tried really hard to be nice and smiley but it really wore off near the end.  I think she just can’t stand silence.  I’d be sitting there on the computer or trying to read or trying to read on the computer and she’s all blah blah blah.  Whatever. 

Anyway, so we got a new house and sold our old one.  Our old house sold within 5 weeks of being on the market.  We really just broke even on all of it.  Even though we took a bit of a loss … in the long run I really think it’s for the best.  We found a house we really like in a location we LOVE.  So yeah, the mortgage went up by 50% but we’ll make it work.  We still have about $1,000 of savings a month (technically…if I don’t spend it at Target :) ).  It was built in 1982, so a little older.  On the one hand, I would have loved to build something.  But to build something in the area that we wanted, the houses started at $300,000 and even though we could probably afford it, I really don’t want or need to be in a house that big.  I’m all about living comfortably but not taking more than you need. 

We keep our other expenses down really low to.  I’m constantly looking for ways to ‘trim the fat’.  Not only on myself but in our bills as well.  We don’t have iPhones, which means we don’t spend the $1,000 minimum per year it would cost to own one, we don’t have cable, and we use coupons for a lot of stuff.  Though, I recently read a blog where the writer and her family have what’s called a ‘No-spend’ month.  The Bage and I wanted to try this.  With the medical bills coming in (and sadly being paid) and Christmas coming up, we need to break the habit of the little spending we *cough* I *cough* *cough* do on a weekly and daily basis.  Here are a couple things we’re focusing on:

1)      Make ONE trip to the store a week. 

2)      List errands and run them all at one time

3)      Rawwwwrrr

4)      Don’t spend money

I really think number 4 is going to be the hardest but I really think we can make it. 

 

AHHHHH, this post is a true reflection of me today.  I seriously can’t keep a thought straight in my head for more than one thought.

Alright, that’s it for me.

Pace,

Meggie Sue

 

P.S. I’ve lost weight since the last time.