So, Understanding...
One thing my husband said to me last Wednesday, after my little breakdown, was that he didn't understand. That he has tried to put himself in my shoes but just doesn't get it. He has said this almost every other time this has happened. For some reason though, it didn't click until now. Before I would tell him that I couldn't control what I did and that I was really sorry and didn't mean it. But he didn't get it, how could he?That would be like me looking at someone who has Parkinson's Disease and saying I know they have a problem but why can't they just stop moving like that? That disease is on a more serious level but I think you get the point. If we haven't experienced something, it can be extremely difficult to understand it. Especially things that aren't "the norm". So, when this light bulb went off in my head it dawned on me. I'm not explaining this in terms that he can relate to.
The best analogy I could come up with right then was running. The Bage has started a couch to 5k running regimen so I figured this would resonate with him. This is what I said:
"Okay, say you go to the gym and you say to yourself, I'm going to run 10 minutes straight today. The longest you had ever run before was 8 minutes straight. You get going and you're running and running. You get to the 8 minute mark and think, 'Man, I'm really tired. But I'm going to run 10 minutes today!'. You get to the 9 minute mark and you are exhausted, you've never run this long before and your legs are giving out. At that point, you can think to yourself, 'I'm going to run the full 10 minutes.' But you can't. You physically cannot go any further. Your body's physical and chemical reactions take over and you need, not just want, but need to stop."
I thought I did a fairly good job finding a legitimate comparison. Something that everyone can relate to but is similar in nature. It's like me telling myself I'm going to fly, just me, no help or equipment. I can tell myself that all I want, but it's not going to happen.
I think it helped a little bit, I'll have to ask him now that the dust has settled. But that was the start of it. Of my quest to help him understand what I go through, what anyone who deals with this goes through when certain things happen. Not only to understand but to be able to help me. Because, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, I need help.
The next day, I googled "helping spouse understand depression" and other variations of that statement. I included some websites that gave a general overview of depression. I found some that talked about signs someone is going through depression. But while I was looking at these I realized that (as far as I know) the only information he's received on depression has come from me. I've always relayed my sessions with therapists. I've always told him what I'm thinking and feeling. He's never heard or read anything about this from an objective third party that might better put things in layman's terms.
I also went to the library and picked up a couple books, one about understanding depression and two others that talk about how to deal with it and keep the "bad" times at bay.
That's all I've been able to do so far. I haven't really read much of the books yet either but completely plan to implement some of the ideas and suggestions and document how things go. The good thing is, I really truely have hope that things will get better. That I will gain the mental strength and tools to fight this as much as I can.
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| I don't know who owns this picture but if anyone does I would like to give them credit. |
You know, it makes me kind of sad that my niche here is depression it's so ..... depressing :( . But it's me and so many other people in the world. If I can help anyone to understand this better I would love that.
Pace,
Megan
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